With America at war abroad it’s easy to forget that we’re fighting a war at home. And losing. To the gays.

One of the most important things in fighting them and making sure they don’t come for you is to be able to identify them. Here at Sedition·com we’ve assembled everything you need to know to identify homosexuals before you inexplicably find yourself engaged in tonsil Jai-alai.

#1

A disdain of gay sex is a good sign but beware when the lady doth protest too much. A total, obsessive hatred of buttfuckery can be a red flag.

Compare these two reactions to “anal sex” between men–

1. Mmmmm… in the butt? With a man? Not really for me, I think. I mean, you never know… but, nah.
2. We must protect our children and our sacred institutions. Men who debase themselves with unholy sexual congress are a threat to us all and deserve to die!

Now, pick the closet door.

#2

Any many who owns a VW Jetta or Rabbit. He is unquestionably gay. While those who own tricked out Scions and Acuras are certainly suspicious there is no way to be sure without catching them with Christina Aguilera or Green Day in the CD changer.

#3

Fashion in and of itself is not a tell. The tell lies in the ratio of one’s finances regarding fashion. If a man’s expenditures in the haberdashery equals or exceeds his outlays for housing and board, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay!

#4

Any usage of the word skosh in any construction whatsoever.

There. Now you’re a little bit more famous and the only way I could ever remember your birthday is finally revealed. Now even easier to remember that I learn it’s the unofficial national marijuana smoking day—I’ll be drinking bourbon as a symbolic act of solidarity. It was illegal once too.

Ms DeCaro’s and Len Matheo’s wonderful business (and book), Courtroom Performance.

Many writers are discussing this week’s school massacre and writing things like “unprecedented,” “biggest mass killing ever,” “nothing like this ever happened before 1966,” “the killings are regular but get worse because of the modern ubiquity of ‘high power’ weapons” [like .22s, woo-woo], &c.

This is one of my favorite birds. It sort of symbolizes the Pacific Northwest for me.

I had hawk silhouettes in almost every window of the house before this happened last week. Now they are in every window. This is a PDF of one you can print and cut out yourself. Check Google for “hawk silhouette.” I got mine at the local Audubon store.

Could someone spend maybe five minutes being really sad that a bunch of people got killed before hopping on their preexisting hobbyhorses? Grief Not Grievances

A bunch of people get killed every single day. I think one of the problems in general discourse is many expect everyone else to feel the way they do about current events and get insulted when it doesn’t always pan out.

You want an enforced 5 minutes of sadness for every 30 deaths? So 10 seconds per corpse. That’s fair enough. Doesn’t cut into my PlayStation time much. Let’s multiply that by the 110 who died in car wrecks yesterday, the 1,178 who died from tobacco usage, the 301 who died of drink, the 87 who died from incorrect prescriptions, the 41 who overdosed on drugs, and let’s top off with the 49 who were murdered in places other than a Virginia campus.

So I’m going to expect 5 solid hours of tears from you before you open your yap about the price of eggs on any day which ends in “y.” And since these were only US figures and they are 10 years old, I’d actually like to round that up to 24 hours a day. Otherwise no one will be crying for the poor bastards who can’t read blogs in English admonishing those horrid fiends who aren’t genuinely sad enough about everyday life and death.

I’ve got a one word unrebuttable proof that Communism is among the most heinous, insane—in both senses—and odious concepts that has ever been hatched: Korea.

One country, to the day still unified by a culture so strong that 90% of South Koreans hold the absolutely ludicrous belief that a happy reunification is—and has been for 40 years—imminent. One of the most homogeneous peoples on the face of the Earth divided not by geography, language, tradition, myth, dreams, ambition, or history. Divided only by a system of government and an imaginary line.

A near perfect laboratory experiment. And what’s the control, you ask? How about Singapore, Hong Kong, and Taiwan?

Stalin killed more people than Hitler. Mao killed more people than Stalin. Somehow that isn’t enough for y’all and your thuggish and decrepit heroes like the bloody by proxy Noam Chomsky.

North Korea has death camps where political prisoners are raped, tortured, used in weapons experiments, gassed, shot, and starved. Not in some distant past that your grandparents dealt with. It’s today. While you read this, it is happening. An innocent person is being killed horribly to benefit no one. North Korea has segments of population that eat bark, pinecones, and grass because they have no food; the unsupervised international aid packages go to the military and the government loyalists. They also eat children because the children often starve to death first.

The photograph of Korea at night is the sum total of all the arguments. You can still pretend Communism isn’t Evil and might work if just applied correctly, but it won’t be out of ignorance anymore. It will only be because you’re a lunatic or evil too.

Original image courtesy of Hank Brandli and Earth Science Picture of the Day.

I have linked to the wonderful, and accidentally related, Devil’s Dictionary 2.0 before but it deserves one above the fold on A1.

AJAX, noun

An acronym for the phrase “Accessibility Just Ain’t eXciting.”

Web 2.0, proper noun

The name given to the social and technical sophistication and maturity that mark the— Oh, screw it. Money! Money money money! Money! The money’s back! Ha ha! Money!

Money! Suck those brains out, suck ’em!

At first I thought it was a scorpion fly but they are not dipterids (two winged) and the antennæ were all wrong so I searched a bit more. Robber fly, I think, sometimes called assassin fly too.

The only picture match I could find for it was one of my own in the poorly named Pear blossom bug.

Now that I know what to look for I can see that we’ve got at least a few more of the 7,000+ species in the Asilidae family.

Blair blames spate of murders on black culture

Oh, no he didn’t.

At least he didn’t call them “nappy-headed.” That would have been racist.

Malkin: Imus has nothing on rap’s hit tunes

Let’s stipulate: I have no love for Don Imus, Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson. A pox on all their race-baiting houses.

Let’s also stipulate: The Rutgers women's basketball team didn't deserve to be disrespected as "nappy-headed hos." No woman deserves that.

Mizz Malkin

Race-baiting?!? You wrote a 416 page treatise on why it’s sensible and justifiable to put an entire racial group of Americans into prison camps. I guess it takes one to know one. How’s the pox on you and your family coming along, Michie?

To counterbalance the irony of the first forced stipulation we have the assertion of the second that there could not possibly be one single woman on the entire face of the planet who might just maybe deserve to be called a “nappy-headed ho.”

Well, she’s actually not nappy at all so, Michelle, you win again. Congratulations.

Librarian warns against govt. secrecy

“Terrorists win when the fear of them induces us to destroy the rights that make us free,” said George Christian, executive director of Library Connection Inc., a consortium of 27 libraries in the Hartford, Conn., area that share an automated library system. Andrew Miga, Associated Press

George is now officially Sedition·com’s favorite Christian. Though the next time a librarian stands up for freedom, we do hope to see a plaid skirt and horn-rimmed glasses involved.

A Call for Manners in the World of Nasty Blogs

Mr. O’Reilly said the guidelines were not about censorship. “That is one of the mistakes a lot of people make — believing that uncensored speech is the most free, when in fact, managed civil dialogue is actually the freer speech,” he said. “Free speech is enhanced by civility.” New York Times (a champion of free speech and corrections on C-16)

Free intercourse, so to speak, is indeed enhanced by civility and we favor peer pressure to that end. The struggle for truth, however, is enhanced by frankness.

When civility is civility as defined by the person who gets his or her feelings hurt by every falling leaf, frankness is out the window. The bathwater and baby are in the blender. Cabals of the salty-eyed who didn’t get asked, or accepted, to prom start making rules and petitioning Congress. Saying what one thinks becomes not insulting but criminal.

Just to make sure everyone else hasn’t forgot—the New York Times should be more worried about fact checking and photo edits than civility.

For the rest concerned with the relative absence of civility online I’ll make you a deal. You learn how to drive like you aren’t a drunk 50 year-old Chinese lady and I’ll stop calling you names online. We leave it as an exercise to the reader to determine which of us is actually dangerous.

Okay, no we don’t–

• Vehicles driven by you mutton-headed, porridge-brained, tear-sodden chimpanzees–
  • 40,000 dead per year.
• Online insults–
  • Oh, boo-hoo-hoo.