12/16/2003 This is a cultural anthropology project I am completing for make-up credits toward core requirements at my Community College. I hope to have my Associate’s in International Trash Fires this summer!
I will sample the nationalities of individuals trying to obtain nuclear weapons.
Through analysis of the data I will show what citizenries of the international community are the most seriously bent on eradicating apple pie, Chevrolet, and blue-eyed Jesus.
I plan to sample the nationalities, via point of origin of logged IPs, of individuals trying to obtain nuclear weapons. To accomplish this I will provide a “webpage” filled with terminology relevant to the building of nuclear weapons—as well as phraseology indicative of rapacity for mass destruction—and will match the referring query content (the “search terms”) against them.
To publish the results I will sample the statistics and present or update them in this “paper” at regular intervals; every 3 months for a year.
I expect to finally have a sit-down with with Secret Service agents. I hope to tape the conversation to further another study I’m keen on completing.
Kill Americans. Kill the fucking Americans. Americans are fuckers. I
will kill all Americans. Die Yankee pig-dogs. I sort of like Americans
but instead I will kill them—all of them, muaha-ha. Levis aside,
America must go. America’s aid package to us was smaller than normal
this year.
The United States should be destroyed. The United States of America must pay for her crimes. Burn America, burn. Bomb America. Bomb Washington, DC. Wheee! What are the easiest cities to bomb in America? Does Amtrak search luggage? Low security nuclear facilities. Strategic targets on the Eastern Seaboard.
I support Palestine.
I want to buy a nuclear bomb. Where are the best prices for nuclear bombs? Shipping rates for nuclear weapons. How to make a nuclear weapon with shit you find on the curb. What is George Bush’s home address?
Triton, ICBM, IBM, MX, Peacekeeper, Mk-12A, Sparrow, Atlas, X-11, X-10, Ajax, Trident, Chrysler Jupiter, B61-7, B61-11, Minuteman, ALCM, W80, M-80, SS-18, SS-19, SS-24, SS-25 (360), SS-27 (29), SS-N-18, SS-N-20, AS-16 SRAM, SS-N-23, SS-N-9, SS-N-12, SS-N-19, SS-N-21, SS-N-22, SA-5B Gammon, SA-Grumble, MSBS M4A/B, MSBS M45, Prithvi I, Agni I, Agni II, Dong Feng, Julang, Ghauri. Is that all you’ve got? What do you mean you’re out of Tu-160 Blackjacks? I just saw a guy walk out with one? Well can I get a Skiff or a Bear H6, at least? I’m going to take my business to Israel if you don’t get your manager right now.
Nuklier. Newclear. Nuke. Nuc. Nucular. Nyucler. Nuclear. Muffin sandwich. Weapon. Atomic weaponry. Weapons’ grade fissile materials. Fission. Primary reagent. Bi-product. Tertiary bi-product. Radiation. Rays. Alpha and gamma particles. Two atoms of Plutonium walk into a bar at high velocity. Ouch.
Critical mass. Nuclear mass defect. Neutrons. Moderator. Unstable nucleus splits, never calls.
Uranium-235. Heavy water. Make heavy water. Make water. Fluorine and Uranium Hexafluoride. Plutonium-239; how to avoid oxidizing Plutonium. Centrifuge enrichment. The ABCs of A-bombs, a step by step handbook. Nuclear Destruction for Dummies.
Advice from Edward Teller. Soviet yard sale. Ukrainian government auctions. Ebay. Chernobyl top soil. Andrei Sakharov rules!
Dirty bomb. H-bomb. A-bomb. Fuckin-a bomb. Neutron bomb. Fusion. Thermonuclear. Plasma. Magnetic confinement. Tritium. Deuterium. Gatorade. Nuclear detonator. High explosives. Core. Plutonium and highly enriched Uranium. I liked Cobalt-60.
To be provided after the first sampling period ends—approximately March 15th, 2004—assuming an augmented version of the Taepo Dong isn’t ready and I’m still here to do it.
03/17/2004 The first report is in.
07/28/2004 The second report is in.
12/17/2004 The third report is skipped for lack of anything interesting to say about it. We’ll try harder for the anniversary.
6/19/2005 The fourth report… Didn’t I say something about trying harder? Uh, stay in school. That way you can end up like me. Won’t that be nice?
