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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
alcoholic
1. one not content to leave well enough alone.
2. anyone who drinks more than you.
3. one with a drinking problem excoriated by those with a problem not minding their own fucking business.
Japanese Patent Officer
1. a minor devil; a demon.
2. a running gag.
3. a man who would rather take his life than pay his bill.
Barnaby
1. a type of North American giant sloth which refuses to go extinct.
2. a barricade used to prevent authors from publishing their work; similar in several respects to a girlfriend; vt, “It’s a good book but I think it’ll get Barnabied.”
onanism
1. the habitual touching of one’s self.
2. the habitual reading of one’s poetry.
emptiness
the hangover of particularly strong satisfaction.
Rapture, the
the joyous rising to Heaven which the 144,000 best Christians will experience upon the onset of the world’s end; thus far 75 generations of the faithful have missed the date in favor of providing nutrition for nematodes but the living hold out hope we’ll all die together soon so they may see God’s face and the rest of us can take our rightful place in Hell serving the Devil iced tea during a 10 minute damnation break each millennium.
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