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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
AA
1. very nearly a towing company; that which will take a broken down car eight-twelfths of the way to the nearest mechanic.
2. abrv, Anti-Agnostics.
3. a support group which offers the replacement of a once pleasurable addiction for an utterly displeasurable network of security.
aardvark
an audacious creature chiefly remarkable for its length of tongue, fondness for ants, and precociousness in lexicons.
able
sober; e.g., “I might not be able to make it to the project meeting.”
ably
adv, describing the way a thing is done when it is done for money.
absolutly
in a manner fueled by a liter of vodka; e.g., “She loved him absolutly.”
Academia
1. a disease rendering its victim incapable of completing a sentence without the use of several qualifying terms and ass-kissing references.
2. an island just West of High School, due South of Meaningful.
academic
1. one who acts snide while lending out or selling school property.
2. that which teaches others how to act snide while lending or selling school property.
accident
1. a legal opportunity.
2. God showing his displeasure with your choice of friends.
3. the only word in the English language which has come to be used exclusively in a facetious or ironic sense; we propose a new grammatical rule for this word—that it exclusively appear in quotes.
accidental
1. any of the few success stories which have come from bands without the considerable financial backing of parents and foolhardy girlfriends.
2. government usage, on purpose.
acid
1. any substance with a pH less than 7.
2. the taste of your self-respect after Viagra, feminine deodorant spray, and myriad other modern staples of modern existence.
acrimony
the penultimate stage of marriage—the typical progression being ceremony, matrimony, acrimony, alimony.
act of God
a legal term denoting anything outside human action which is horrific or extremely destructive.
more at natural disaster.
actor
one who makes a profession of doing what comes naturally—pretend at working.
see also scale.
adage
the truth dilapidated.
compare with axiom.
admiration
harassment.
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