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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
airplane
a vehicle which transports the constitutional rights of American citizens to the homes and golf courses of the corporate presidents and politicians these rights were intended for, by air.
airport lounge
1. an atmosphere conducive to meditation and reflection; a good place to plan and spend one’s time; an oasis.
2. a dining room; a wide selection of healthy and somewhat-reasonably priced foods centrally located and pleasantly distributed.
3. a bar or overpriced distillery, tainted with the mild stench of shoe polish and the harsh glare of upper-class smugness, but hey, what are you gonna do?
4. an airport’s internal sleeping quarters; where to catch up on rest between flights; a hotel room without the beds, private bathrooms, dividing walls, or anyone to watch your bags if you nod off.
5. the last thing anyone ever sees in his or her right mind.
alcohol
a form of popular entertainment vastly less expensive than vacations, movies, theme parks, or even cable TV.
alcoholic
1. one not content to leave well enough alone.
2. anyone who drinks more than you.
3. one with a drinking problem excoriated by those with a problem not minding their own fucking business.
alcoholism
1. an involuntary disease caused by the similarly involuntary purchase and ingestion of alcohol.
2. a condition which cynics claim is engaged in for the avoidance of life but which realists see as practical, asking, “If life is not worth avoiding, what is?”
alien
1. an English speaking, standard model human with big ears, an extra butt or extremities; a human.
2. an artist with a job.
3. ET with a dildo.
4. anyone from a country poorer than, say, Britain.
5. a teacher that cares to teach.
6. a child without medication.
7. an actor in his own body.
8. as of the election of one 21st century American President, an American in any other country.
9. a musician at home.
alright
1. colloquial contraction of the words “all” and “right,” meaning “correct in every sense,” or “never wrong.”
2. what is said when one would rather go along with something undesirable than have a continued discussion about it [accent is placed on the second syllable in this case].
altar boy
a powerful recruiting inducement for the priesthood, cited for swelling the army of the Holy See even over the free wine and crackers.
alternative
1. crummy.
2. insubstantial themes watered down and passed off as cutting edge to poorly dressed, vaguely dissatisfied, yet consistently gullible consumers.
3. homosexual; more at gay.
4. the second part of an ultimatum; e.g., “Either you publish my book, or I’ll rob and decapitate you.”
altruist
unselfish consideration for the welfare of others where it constitutes a tax benefit.
Alzheimer's
a condition... of, um...
Amazon
1. a land where the work week is 55 hours, the accounting is close enough for government work, the vocal elucidation of hypocrisy earns an apple with a road map, and the options are just pretty enough to keep you chained and fairly quiet.
2. a shaggy dog story five years in duration.
ambiguity
the way to a word without really.
ambiguous
a moron’s self-proclamation of large stature.
America, the United States of
contradiction—in 50 flavors.
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