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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
American
1. singular: consumer; plural: chattel.
2. flag waver or alternately a flag burner, depending on the weather and fashion of the day.
American Indian
1. any of several indigenous races of the Americas characterized by superlative culture, serenity, and the refusal to disappear gracefully.
2. a tear-jerker of 500 chapters.
Amsterdam
a European city holding the ridiculous notion that the intoxicating yet relatively harmless substance, marijuana, should be a peaceful means of profit for the government and the community, rather than an excuse to spend billions of tax dollars on a futile war against its own people and constitution; the world’s own insane asylum.
anal probe
1. an income tax audit.
2. a mortgage.
3. sticking one’s nose deep into another person’s business.
4. a date with Enrique Iglesias.
more at xenophobe.
Anarchy
1. the absence of government and, consequently, corruption.
2. something cute to say while shaking the President’s hand.
3. what became of family life the minute people realized men didn’t need to hunt and women were knitting for fun.
4. chimp-rule; Rule of the Monkey; the pecking order without the filter of the justice system; your little dick in a sling when it turns out monkeys don’t get along well without the rule of law, you unwashed free-market bashing anti-intellectual windbag.
anger
the state of being mad; madness.
anger management
1. anger management comes in a dizzying array of forms including, but in no way limited to: vodka, bourbon, bennies, black beauties, ’shrooms, Valium, quaaludes, the ribs of a puppy, et cetera.
2. counting to 10 more rapidly than you can get to the bat behind the front door.
anniversary
the great holiday of all species of alcoholic at which time no one meddles or is critical of flagrant drinking as either A) the day is too happy to spoil with arguments or B) it especially hurts today and it’s just his way of coping with it.
Annunciation, the
the incredible event from which proceeds the expression, “Holy fuck.”
anti-America
that which is against America—Canada and Mexico, specifically.
anti-idiotarian
1. one who persistently heaves clumsy word after wordnone of which is to be found in any accredited English dictionary—at the wall that is one’s audience hoping for pieces to stick.
2. one whose most solid arguments are devoid of sticks, or stones.
Antichrist, the
1. fearing for our lives, the editors decline to point out any Poles in pointy hats.
2. Louis Farrakhan.
AOL
1. an ISP which is chiefly useful for losing tremendous amounts of data and denying even the most basic connections while charging the most premium of rates; proof that gross incompetence and popularity are not mutually exclusive.
2. a missed keystroke, a typo of SOL.
ape-shit
1. the feces of an anthropoid simian.
2. what caged primates sometimes sling at unsuspecting viewers; e.g., infomercials.
aphrodisiac
1. sensual subtleties made obsolete by that killer application known as Viagra.
2. rural usage, the unmistakable scent and back-home comfort of raw wool.
3. the sexual allure of black hair styles of the 1970s.
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