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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
Apocalypse, the
1. The Big Event; Good Vs. Evil; Don King’s retirement plan.
2. a religiously predicted series of events including dramatic appearances by all major cosmic forces, and a final “Judgement Day” which promises either eternal salvation, or infinite damnation, depending on your schedule.
3. something you can afford to get all worked up about—as well as purchase bumper stickers relating to—if you’re making enough money to keep a car registered, insured, and running.
Apocrypha
1. the Bible your mother warned you about.
2. the dozens of chapters of the inalterable word of God which man saw fit to abrogate.
apology
a great lead in for the phrase, “But I only did it because you [fill in the blank].”
apostate
1. one who holds one’s own religion, politics, or cause with deep sincerity up to the point it induces any whiff of boredom.
2. a born again sucker.
compare with Baptist.
3. one who holds one’s own religion, politics, or cause as perfectly matched and completely satisfying until the moment the competition displays any increase in sex appeal.
Arab
1. a Semite of the Arabian peninsula and its surrounding areas.
2. a sabre-bearing militant feminist on the desert lines in the war against sexism.
3. a cutting edge activist for women’s rights whose guttural rhetoric challenges every nation to redefine sexual equality.
argument
a fist-fight for cowards.
Arizona
a state funded entirely by speeding tickets; a police state.
see also Phoenix.
arrogance
the quality of exaggerating one’s importance or capability above one’s station or talents; e.g., Noah Webster’s inclusion of his own name upon a tome of knowledge entirely in the public domain was an act of sheer arrogance, especially in comparison to the anonymous title of the incomparable and world-changing dictionary before you.
arsonist
British slang, a buggerer; an ass-rapist.
artificial insemination
the transmission of something inside something else through unnatural means; e.g., a virtual magazine.
artist
a philosopher who has taken a moral stand against work.
Aryan
1. a Roma Gypsy, Russian, Iranian, or Hindu.
2. one racially descended from Roma Gypsies, Russians, Iranians, or Hindus but whose familial IQ has faded in perfect tandem with skin tone; a “white” person not bright enough to gain admission to a history class at the local community college.
more at cracker.
3. one whose blanched ancestry gains in significance in inverse proportion to the genealogical records available.
ASCII
the Turing complete alphabet of the Devil which can be used to spell any word written after 1 January 1970.
Ashley
a boy’s name, though a contrary opinion is held accurate by many cretins.
aspiration
1. what gives one reason to rejoice in life in youth.
2. what gives one reason to despair in life in old-age.
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