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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
asshole
1. one who says, “gale force winds,” in place of, “gale.”
2. one who says, “informational purposes,” in place of, “information.”
3. one who says, “actual usage,” in place of the noun, “use.”
4. Picasso.
5. anyone who uses the word, “actual,” in any construction whatsoever.
asshole, 2
1. a physical feature of the hindquarters.
2. a physical feature of the corner office.
assignation
a pompous and self-important word for tryst.
assisted suicide
an NPA, National Physicians’ Association, statistic—in the highly competitive arena of professional medicine, career SAs, or Suicides Assisted are second only to Successful Billings in importance for measuring one’s success.
astonishing
an overused word meaning, “notable.”
atheist
one with an IQ exceeding 103.
atrophy
the reward following upon a race well run—win, place, or show.
Attention Deficit Disorder, ADD
a signed excuse slip from one’s doctor reading, in essence, “So-and-so was a little slow in grade-school. Better take it easy if you don’t want to be treated to the water-works.”
attorney
1. a professional switch hitter.
2. a spaniel in a hospital parking lot.
3. a whore who bills by the minute not the act.
compare with barrister.
4. the larval form of a politician.
5. a well-dressed ass-rapist.
audience
what awaits at life’s most humiliating corners.
audition
to paint a series of concentric circles in red on one’s ass.
Australia
a nation populated by the descendants of deported criminals which has half the crime of the country that deported them.
autism
1. a very early retirement plan.
2. an emotional disability often laced with a special talent, such as for irritating or attacking people.
available
that state of being single, compare to emotionally available, which is the state of being soft and absorbent.
average
1. embarrassing; in need of cover up; C-.
2. the axiom from which we derive the corollary stereotype.
3. the amount of effort required to neither sink nor swim.
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