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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
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Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
baby
the generic term for the brand name Bundle of Joy™—the active ingredients of this product include: screams, green feces, and urine stained shirts; the inactive ingredient being, of course, joy.
bachelor
1. a man whose entire wardrobe hangs down the backrest of his one chair.
2. one who, when forced to choose, will purchase an “oil can” of Foster’s beer over anything comparable in price.
back
the physical feature by which your acquaintances can most readily recognize your mother.
balanced
indifferent; happy.
banker’s hours
10 a.m. to 4 p.m. with a longish lunch break, excepting major or postal holidays, feasts, and saints’ days—corresponding neatly with the French work calendar.
baptism
a quick, pleasant dip in the church pool, with some long, dry consequences forthcoming; e.g., the sermon which follows.
Baptist
a religion based on holding one’s breath until one gets what one wants; in this case, salvation.
Barnaby
1. a type of North American giant sloth which refuses to go extinct.
2. a barricade used to prevent authors from publishing their work; similar in several respects to a girlfriend; vt, “It’s a good book but I think it’ll get Barnabied.”
barrister
a gay attorney.
Bartiromo, Maria
the woman who has the honor of having ushered several hundred billion dollars out the American door by way of attaching her sex appeal to a burning piece of tape.
bastard
1. a wit.
2. anyone whose lineage is uncertain; i.e., anyone who has not undergone a paternity test.
Beast, the
an unpleasant nickname for a particular lexicographer garnered during one sadly misplanned Christmas party.
beat
1. to correct.
2. a debate term meaning to convince.
3. in rap music, the drum rhythm, chords and melodies sampled from various performers and composers in order to mock them for bothering to learn anything about music.
4. the melody which is set underneath the words of a song intended for air-play; formerly called the “Music.”
Beatles, the
once the world’s most popular rock and roll band—although no longer bigger than Jesus the creator still shows an inordinate fondness for Beatles.
beauty
1. in women, an illusion; in men, an indication of homosexuality; in truth, a supreme lie.
2. n, any fish that’s been caught; e.g., “Isn’t she a beauty!”
see also trophy bride.
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