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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
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Boston
1. a crowded town, both cannibalistic and vampiristic—its lifeblood being a steady stream of highly unfortunate college students.
2. the only largely populated city in the world in which the outbreak of violent crime can be traced not to the poverty level, but to the number of unfair parking violations distributed annually.
bouquet
1. originally, an arrangement of flowers; now used to describe any colorful gift which withers quickly and arouses suspicion against the bringer instantly.
2. scent of a wine or brandy; with especially excellent bottles even citizens of Los Angeles have been known to remove their gas masks for the purest aroma possible; some States have actually outlawed all refined nostril confections, leaving only Napoleon Brandy and fortified wines to choose from.
see also alcohol.
boy
a common name for the males of the human species; especially young males; considered cute and endearing.
compare with girl.
Brady Law
originally Brady Bill, legislation that provides for a 3-5 day waiting period before a gun may be purchased; coincidentally this is the life-span of a Senator who trespasses one’s private property, specifically the bedroom.
breakfast
a choice of solid foods available for the subtle dilution of one’s third and fourth cups of coffee.
see also lunch and dinner.
breast
the most delicious part of flesh as well as fowl.
breast implants
1. a cosmetic equalization allowing women to find modeling jobs, secure romantic situations, and self-respect, although no one ever looks them in the eye again.
2. a pacemaker for the virile.
3. a left-right combination that’s been knocking women back to the boudoir better than any blows a man can deliver.
bride
1. the purchasing power of a dowry.
2. a commodity which loses 80% of its value upon the first night following purchase.
brilliant
bright; e.g., this dismal patch of gray is brilliant in relation to the inky lack bounding it.
Briton
a race of man whose mythology includes disembowelment for weather prediction, cocaine addicted detectives, and a king who “accidentally” had sexual intercourse with his sister.
brother
1. a black man.
2. you, when any color of man is looking for spare change in your direction.
Buddha
1. a fat prince.
2. a man who founded a philosophy and quasi-religion based on the tenet that life is pain and it’s best just to ignore it; a giver of sound advice.
Budweiser
1. as one can, a travesty.
2. as one glass, a substitute for a good pilsner.
3. as a pint, a happy hour Hobson’s choice.
4. as a six pack, a late visit to the market on Super Bowl Sunday.
5. as a case on sale, a great American tradition.
bullet
the final food group.
bum
1. for any number of reality-TV stars, a vision of the future; also bus-bum.
2. one who accepts the luxurious “Earned Income Credit” tax rebate, offered by the overly-empathetic Internal Revenue Service for those fortunate enough to have lived another entire year in poverty without killing oneself.
3. one of a variety of flavors of homeless yet comfortably drunk entertainers—including musicians, philosophers, comedians and salesmen—who for one reason or another has been traded in to the US prisons, where they hold similar positions, though under a considerable amount of added pressure to entertain.
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