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Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
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a thrill ride minus the annual safety certification inspection.
a vacuum for time and intellect based on the philosophy of power in numbers—that more channels equals superior selections.
the urban echo of grievances and complaints.
1. the land of uptight flakiness in casual-wear and a great pair of sunglasses.
2. the home of flakey uptightness in outrageously priced clothes and a casual pair of sunglasses.
3. an area of proud sports fanatics who seem not to understand the games they watch compulsively, as they will break out into riots whether their team wins or loses any major competition.
4. a bulky population of large-sized fanatical babies with just enough team-work to turn a car over, or break into a pawn shop without damaging stolen goods on the way out.
5. the nearly very liberal State which almost represents close to the farthest left of thinking in this kind of democratic country.
6. a factory which consumes tremendous amounts of electricity, natural resources, and foreign labor to produce oranges nearly as delicious as those from Florida, silicon wafers almost as good as those made in Japan, and some of the finest art Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider have to offer.
1. the little known pivotal country on the “Axis of Evil.”
2. whom to blame if you end up with a quarter which your breakroom soda machine will not accept.
3. a former British colony which overfishes, deforests, pollutes, treats Native Americans Shabby with a capital “S,” and has a massive superiority complex; déjà vu.
4. a cheap alternative to Amsterdam.
5. a sort of late-comer to the modern day garden of Eden with a maple leaf substituting for fig and the Tree-of-Self-Congratulation standing in for the Tree-of-Knowledge.
1. a person who takes every chance to brag about his socialized medical care, especially when visiting his standby for-pay doctor in the US for any ailment more serious than corns or a yeast infection.
2. American Lite.
3. a person who takes every chance to remind you that he is not American, or that he is American and you just don’t understand what American means.
one who ceremonially ingests the flesh and blood of another human being; a Catholic.
the ingestion, often ceremonial, of human flesh; considered a shockingly evil crime against mankind in every nation of the world excepting the Vatican.
1. a financial system which supports personal choice to buy or sell what one will, allowing another is freely willing to make the exchange; the opposite of stealing.
2. a similar system which accepts a common standard of value for trade, the carrot.
3. the only fundamental difference between America and every nation leaking boat people to Her.
a Yankee lawyer bringing class action against a tobacconist.
one who practices Catholicism; an altogether superior form of Christian when compared with the lowly Protestant who has claim to not one legitimate Crusade and but 500 years of drunken lunacy with barely a few thousand witches and Jews converted to carbon in that span.
1. a universal religion with not a single literal adherent.
2. a snowball rolling down the big hill toward the lowest place.
1. instructional word on how to proceed when a woman brings up the topic of her weight.
2. instructional word on how to proceed when a woman brings up a topic.
3. a highway signpost, useful in alerting one to the proximity of the landmarks of the deaths of town officials’ drunk-driving relatives.
4. n, the act of supplying those crack dealers upstairs with enough bong hits per week to keep them from robbing and/or raping you out of irritated, sober boredom.
cell phone
a remarkable piece of technology that renders a rectum capable of speech.
1. to personalize or adjust something exceedingly true.
2. to paraphrase using more accessible words, such as “beep.”
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