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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
clinical paranoia
no indication at all that people aren’t following or watching you, hovering over your spouse, analyzing weblogs of Internet sites you’ve visited, scouting your house and belongings even as you read this.
clitoris
the female pleasure center—along with the labia minora, usually depicted in art and literature as a beautiful flower, especially an orchid, while in reality resembling nothing quite so much as a wad of chewed bubble-gum.
clock
1. a control and synchronization device used to govern and measure the feeding and labor of domestic work animals.
2. to catch one driving the speed that everyone else drives.
3. to pummel indefinitely; eg: “Rodney King was clocked speeding on angel dust.”
clothes-hanger
1. traditionally, a triangular shaped wire, ending in a hook, which was mangled to become useful for scraping marijuana residue out of a pipe.
2. a surgical instrument of ill-repute.
Cluetrain
Amtrak’s new locomotive where first and second-class berths are replaced entirely with underclass.
CNN
Rudi Bakhtiar’s pimp advertising the price of ongoing services in 18pt type scrolling as fast as a high school drop-out can read.
co-revivalist
Robin to the Devil’s Batman; a kind of hitch-hitch-hiker; the vampire’s phlebotomist.
see also revivalist.
co-worker
the cud-chewer in the next stall over on the old cube farm; alt spelling, cow-orker.
cocaine addict
an entertainer; one who works in the entertainment industry.
compare with heroin addict.
code nazi
a hacker whose rigid enforcement of arbitrary programming standards eclipses his or her skills in English, interpersonal relations, webpage layout, oral hygiene, et cetera.
code reuse
another entry in the increasingly porcine lexicon of euphemisms for theft and sloth.
coffee
1. the sixth food group.
2. manna.
cognitive dissonance
the American disease; to be contrasted and compared with syphilis, the French disease; superiority complex, the Canadian disorder; and misanthropy, the lexicographer’s ailment.
cold
a mathematical constant: wherever your spouse or room-mate likes to keep the thermostat, plus two degrees.
college try
1. a halfhearted attempt.
2. an effort of shifting emphasis.
3. a scholastic push based more heavily on the chance of getting laid than on loyalty to one’s alma mater.
4. to cheat.
5. to ignore one’s declared field until the last possible moment.
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