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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
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Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
conservative
one who wishes to conserve; a nature lover; sometimes written “conservationist.”
considered
a timid debater’s synonym for “is,” used to ingratiate and soft-pedal an otherwise declarative statement one is frightened of pronouncing; e.g., “goto considered harmful.”
conspiracy theory
the result of the public’s severe disenchantment with reality’s tendency toward simplicity and transparency.
constitution
one’s health and underlying physical makeup which if abused results in early, often sudden and unexpected, death; see also US Constitution.
consultant
an expert in filling an Excel sheet with random observations, bullet-pointing common sense recommendations, and putting a stamp on a bill because he’ll be in another time zone when you are ready to try anything he suggested.
consumption
dipsomania.
contact
n, what the wordfriend” has come to mean; and so what the clever man must learn to take pleasure in ridding himself of through correspondence and with increasing speed, as he improves upon his wit over time.
contingency
an event that is possible but not guaranteed; an event liable to occur as the result of something else not; e.g. [dual usage], if the copyright lawyer cannot work on contingency to sue those rat-bastards into oblivion, our contingency plan is to simply drive over to their homes at 3 a.m. and extract payment directly from their hides.
contortionist
anyone capable of smiling through the majority of a day at work.
contradiction
meaningless term meaning most anything.
conversation
to convert from one thing to another by use of words, e.g., “I went from being in love to wanting to scrub my Johnson with a Brillo pad by the end of the conversation.”
cooperate
1. to walk oneself through the abattoir.
2. to acquiesce; to capitulate; to give in.
cooperation
the relationship between a master and a slave.
cop
1. a municipally sponsored thug, killer; one who kills legally; a knuckle dragger; one who has no aversion to shooting unarmed people in the back; also, government cop, an FBI agent.
2. a heavily armed bully.
3. a racist.
4. an urban agent of class vengeance.
5. one with the income of an engineer, the education of a cocktail waitress, and the psychology of a wife-beater.
6. regional, LA, a moving target.
7. a doughy or steroidal collection of human organs going to waste.
8. archaic, one who protects and serves the public.
copy clerk
1. a plagiarizer with no concern over what he’s plagiarizing; a blind thief.
2. a person in front of a computer screen showing pornography and other downloaded garbage who is definitively unavailable to help those waiting for assistance with broken down or stuck machines; a slacker.
3. any clever lad who has figured out a way to get paid for staring blankly at needy customers while scratching his arse.
4. the last of the true observers.
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