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Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
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Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
what follows as often as precedes death.
1. to leave behind, throw away, or evasively shake; to lose intentionally.
2. what one should do at least twice a year with one’s personal telephone book, social email address, and attachments to the contacts therein.
the crowning achievement of late 20th century philosophy, one who takes pride in his or her lack of ability to form original or analytical thought.
see also Rush Limbaugh.
1. generally, to improve position or strengthen by investing time or assets in areas other than that which they were intended for.
2. to spread one’s effort into new areas; e.g., Southern plantation owners of 19th c. America were known to diversify their lineage as often as was prudent.
3. to attempt greater success in business through widening positions, or as a husband to a wife, “Honey, perhaps we should diversify this evening.”
4. in corporate usage, to produce variety in the consumer base which is raped, especially in foreign markets.
5. to balance a corporation’s interests defensively by dividing hard earned capital amongst a variety of industries about which the management knows nothing.
compare with worsen.
1. the word with which one can win early marital spats.
2. the word which overused will conclude all marital spats.
physical descriptions, or documents, to prove a thing occurred, as photographs, video, sworn testimonies, and forwarded email.
1. American usage, the most loyal of pets; Man’s best friend.
2. Korean usage, the most healthful of soups; Man’s best lunch.
1. a large, yet cozy city fueled by the burning flesh, bones, and pornography of former bachelors.
2. an ongoing meditation on toilet seat latitude in an environment unfit for philosophical discussion on the matter.
1. the mainstay of the police officer.
more at cop; also, doughnut.
2. in American slang, the female sex organ.
more at beaver.
a system created by Microsoft; frequently written DoS.
1. a woman’s sticker price; it is important to note that the only state in the Union which enforces a remediable warranty is Texas.
2. the cash balance of the beauty of the bride minus the age of the groom.
1. the natural human response to employment and an eight hour day at any job.
2. the natural human reaction to unemployment, rejection, depression, boredom, etc.
3. give it back; give it back right now.
see also alcoholic and alcoholism.
Drudge Report, the
a potent cultural moonshine made from the mash of the New York Times and the water of gore-mongering filtered through a circa 1989 tampon of Princess Diana.
a substance, often illegal, which causes habituation; e.g., pornography, free-thought, or making money without cutting in the syndicate, i.e., the US government.
drug paraphernalia
1. evil devices, sold exclusively to children, used for hiding marijuana from the teachers and parents that would rightfully send their children to prison for using it; also scales, plastic sandwich bags, ornamental boxes, sunglasses with cases, diaries with secret compartments, toilet paper rolls which have no toilet paper, or anything skull shaped not meant to contain brains.
2. beer cans, but only those which have been altered so as to enable the use of drugs other than alcohol, which is not a drug.
3. smoking accessories which are not used for smoking tobacco, which is neither a harmful nor mood altering substance.
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