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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
drug test
1. a computer chip used by addicts to quickly judge the quality of a drug at the time of purchase.
2. a urine-test used to retrace steps and account for relationship severances from a previous night.
3. in the 1990s, before majenta’s blood-thirsty War on the War on Drugs, this provided a lot of businesses with a spurious sense of security.
drunk
1. a person of independent values or codependent worth.
2. a soggy minded vagabond or poet set apart from his ilk by the marked inability to tolerate coffee.
3. calm; relaxed; free from worry.
drunk driver
1. someone that doesn’t watch enough TV; an ignoramus to the scare-tactics of the media.
more at safe ride.
2. anyone afraid to drink alone—who is legally permitted to drive to a bar and become so severely intoxicated one cannot even speak but is then legally bound to call a cab—a social slave.
drunkard
contraction, originally written, “drunk’ard,” short for, “You’re drunk again? You bastard.”
DUI
1. acronym, Deliver Us from Iowa.
2. a stamp on one’s driver’s license intended for the vague, nostalgic recollection of one funny night in particular.
DVD
the most recent in a series of Beta, LaserDisc, and VCR replacements, the final being a visitation from dramatic performers to your town, supposedly to be called a “Play.”
dysphagia
a tragic condition preventing many young artists and professionals from succeeding in their aspirations.
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