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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
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Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
FAA
1. Federal Anxiety Administration.
2. Federal Anal Assessors.
3. our nation’s expert logicians, who together have decided that stripping passengers of their right to privacy, removing all guarantees regarding their property, then cluttering as many of them into an airport at a time as possible provides an additional line of defense against fanatical terrorism; this theory is based on the astute assumption that terrorists, however shrewd, are entirely and exclusively bent on killing people once they are airborne.
fact
1. that which is objectively true.
2. something provable.
3. a quantifiable piece of information.
4. a good guess.
5. the way one remembers a thing.
6. adultery.
fad
the exaggerated and temporary interest in another’s over-blown and short-lived interest in a thing; the theoretical tipping point of monkey see, monkey do.
faggot
a man living an unnatural lifestyle; e.g., a white rapper.
fagot
a bassoon, from the Italian, fagotto; fagot is the instrument, not to be confused with the bassoonist who is properly called a “fagot blower.”
fair use
a survival tactic—by keeping one’s pilfering to a sugar-packet and office-pen level, one can make retribution of any scale seem unfair and thus defer punishment till the day a lexicographer’s children are grown.
faith
1. fidelity and allegiance to an idea, a place, or a person.
2. abdication of all thought to an idea, a place, or a person.
see also belief.
false economy
1. to vote Republican for a tax credit.
2. to vote Democrat for an extension of benefits.
3. an expression meaning to save a dollar through an expenditure of 10 bits.
family
1. traditionally, blood relations and in-laws.
2. n, in reference to those most capable of hurting one’s feelings.
3. a de facto relationship void of free will which most political parties and philosophies tout as the strongest tie and most moral direction of personal duty.
4. the acorn from which the oak woods of racism, nationalism and violence are born.
father
1. the name at the bottom of an absentee picture postcard in the vote regarding how one should address life’s many staggering tribulations.
2. in one’s late twenties, the source of some really excellent advice for a teenager.
3. a poorly timed kick in the teeth, or ass, usually followed by an embarrassing excuse for an apology.
father
a mawkish parody of God who creates children he claims infinite love for but instead casts out right about the time they discover they would probably rather be naked.
see also mother.
Father’s Day
an afterthought to Mother’s Day concocted by daughters in need of capital and mother’s willing to say, “Oh, give the bastard a slot on the calendar, no one will remember it anyway and we can give Old Spice to rub in how much we despise him.”
compare to Mother’s Day.
fax
the final resort of urban procrastination.
FCC
1. acronym, Federal Communications Commission; the agency responsible for setting the price rates for the broadcast of profanity.
2. the agency which decides what is decent for broadcast; among that which has been deemed decent are incest, gunshots to the face, bludgeoned and leaking skulls, hookers, rape, racism, and everything else in the world except these seven words: piss, shit, fuck, cunt, motherfucker, cocksucker, and tits, which are also actually considered decent as long as you pay the per use fee.
fear
1. the state of knowing pretty well what’s going on.
2. the sensation in a writer that somewhere, in something he or she has written and submitted for publication, sits the word “your” where the contraction for “you are” ought to be.
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