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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
habeas corpus
a trivial entry in a list of words from a dead language now only of historical interest.
hacker
1. a self-involved twerp who considers a fraudulent or manipulative phone call to be computer programming.
2. a similar type of man-monkey that goes through youth smashing, deceiving, invading, violating, defacing, and stealing then cries like an 8-year-old girl once caught and given prison time.
3. one so devoid of creativity and the inspiration requisite for eureka moments, tireless systematic “hacking” of mind numbing digital minutia is the only way to accomplish anything of seeming intelligence.
4. a post graduate D&D freak or Accutane addict who can type “rm -rf /” or URL encode a configuration string.
more at cracker.
5. any retard who can count to 255 and then a few numbers higher.
haiku
1. sophistication for the simple.
2. in Japan a form of poetry which is by definition about the seasons and nature; in America any piece of crap seventeen syllables in length.
3. a writing exercise perfectly suited to special education.
Halotosis
a condition afflicting most hard core gamers.
Hamsterdam
what’s the matter with you? are you insane?
Hanukkah
a desperate bid by Jewish parents everywhere to prevent their children from converting in droves each December; its limited success due to the fact that eight days of socks, underwear, and potato pancakes cannot hold a candle, let alone eight, to Dream House Barbie and GI Joe.
happiness
1. sad complacency.
2. the upside to a good manic.
3. waking up from a heavy night of drinking and then discovering funds still reside in one’s bank account.
harmony
1. naturalist term describing a bloody, vicious struggle where the murder and birth rates manage to stay in step.
2. popular culture term describing a velvet painting of a smiling lion peacefully surrounded by lambs; a similar portrait of Native Americans.
hate
1. an indigestible dish traditionally served in a bottomless bowl.
2. hat with an e on the end; isn’t that silly? don’t you feel better about it all now?
3. a jewel with a Mohs’ value of 10.
hater
a manipulative criticism against the critics wise to one’s manipulative tactics; the equivalent of saying, “You are,” in a sandbox twice in a row before the other kid has actually said anything.
HDTV
a drug oriented cable access show that’s been canceled.
heart
1. a palpitating vessel in the chest area of many living creatures, which over time and use decreases substantially in strength and relevance.
2. an offering of another’s generosity to oneself, as in, “Have a heart.”
3. a crucial organ associated with happiness and well-being, the decay of which can be measured approximately by glancing back at the dreams in one’s recent past, and then mulling over, repeatedly, one’s current, mind-numbing inability to raise a finger to change the situation.
heathen
one of the early or primitive races of man, so spiritually backward as to pray out of doors and fabricate idols from materials far inferior to Carrera marble.
heavy metal
what was considered by parents to be non-musical and dangerous before rap came along.
Hell
1. a fictitious land in Christian mythology of eternal punishment and torment.
2. Los Angeles.
3. a place of perpetual certainty; e.g., sure as hell; when hell freezes over.
4. Detroit.
5. the final destination of all political inroads.
6. Sacramento’s Greyhound bus depot.
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