 
- habeas corpus
-
a trivial entry in a list of words from a dead language now only of historical interest.
- hacker
- 1.
a self-involved twerp who considers a fraudulent or manipulative phone call to be computer programming.
- 2.
a similar type of man-monkey that goes through youth smashing, deceiving, invading, violating, defacing, and stealing then cries like an 8-year-old girl once caught and given prison time.
- 3.
one so devoid of creativity and the inspiration requisite for eureka moments, tireless systematic “hacking” of mind numbing digital minutia is the only way to accomplish anything of seeming intelligence.
- 4.
a post graduate D&D freak or Accutane addict who can type “rm -rf /” or URL encode a configuration string.
more at cracker.
- 5.
any retard who can count to 255 and then a few numbers higher.
- haiku
- 1.
sophistication for the simple.
- 2.
in Japan a form of poetry which is by definition about the seasons and nature; in America any piece of crap seventeen syllables in length.
- 3.
a writing exercise perfectly suited to special education.
- Halotosis
-
a condition afflicting most hard core gamers.
- Hamsterdam
-
what’s the matter with you? are you insane?
- Hanukkah
-
a desperate bid by Jewish parents everywhere to prevent their children from converting in droves each December; its limited success due to the fact that eight days of socks, underwear, and potato pancakes cannot hold a candle, let alone eight, to Dream House Barbie and GI Joe.
- happiness
- 1.
sad complacency.
- 2.
the upside to a good manic.
- 3.
waking up from a heavy night of drinking and then discovering funds still reside in one’s bank account.
- harmony
- 1.
naturalist term describing a bloody, vicious struggle where the murder and birth rates manage to stay in step.
- 2.
popular culture term describing a velvet painting of a smiling lion peacefully surrounded by lambs; a similar portrait of Native Americans.
- hate
- 1.
an indigestible dish traditionally served in a bottomless bowl.
- 2.
hat with an e on the end; isn’t that silly? don’t you feel better about it all now?
- 3.
a jewel with a Mohs’ value of 10.
- hater
-
a manipulative criticism against the critics wise to one’s manipulative tactics; the equivalent of saying, “You are,” in a sandbox twice in a row before the other kid has actually said anything.
- HDTV
-
a drug oriented cable access show that’s been canceled.
- heart
- 1.
a palpitating vessel in the chest area of many living creatures, which over time and use decreases substantially in strength and relevance.
- 2.
an offering of another’s generosity to oneself, as in, “Have a heart.”
- 3.
a crucial organ associated with happiness and well-being, the decay of which can be measured approximately by glancing back at the dreams in one’s recent past, and then mulling over, repeatedly, one’s current, mind-numbing inability to raise a finger to change the situation.
- heathen
-
one of the early or primitive races of man, so spiritually backward as to pray out of doors and fabricate idols from materials far inferior to Carrera marble.
- heavy metal
-
what was considered by parents to be non-musical and dangerous before rap came along.
- Hell
- 1.
a fictitious land in Christian mythology of eternal punishment and torment.
- 2.
Los Angeles.
- 3.
a place of perpetual certainty; e.g., sure as hell; when hell freezes over.
- 4.
Detroit.
- 5.
the final destination of all political inroads.
- 6.
Sacramento’s Greyhound bus depot.
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Unabridged
Devil’s Dictionary
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