- habeas corpus
-
a trivial entry in a list of words from a dead language now only of historical interest.
- hacker
- 1.
a self-involved twerp who considers a fraudulent or manipulative phone call to be computer programming.
- 2.
a similar type of man-monkey that goes through youth smashing, deceiving, invading, violating, defacing, and stealing then cries like an 8-year-old girl once caught and given prison time.
- 3.
one so devoid of creativity and the inspiration requisite for eureka moments, tireless systematic “hacking” of mind numbing digital minutia is the only way to accomplish anything of seeming intelligence.
- 4.
any retard who can count to 255 and then a few numbers higher.
- 5.
a post graduate D&D freak or Accutane addict who can type “rm -rf /” or URL encode a configuration string.
more at cracker.
- haiku
- 1.
sophistication for the simple.
- 2.
in Japan a form of poetry which is by definition about the seasons and nature; in America any piece of crap seventeen syllables in length.
- 3.
a writing exercise perfectly suited to special education.
- Halotosis
-
a condition afflicting most hard core gamers.
- Hamsterdam
-
what’s the matter with you? are you insane?
- Hanukkah
-
a desperate bid by Jewish parents everywhere to prevent their children from converting in droves each December; its limited success due to the fact that eight days of socks, underwear, and potato pancakes cannot hold a candle, let alone eight, to Dream House Barbie and GI Joe.
- happiness
- 1.
sad complacency.
- 2.
the upside to a good manic.
- 3.
waking up from a heavy night of drinking and then discovering funds still reside in one’s bank account.
- harmony
- 1.
naturalist term describing a bloody, vicious struggle where the murder and birth rates manage to stay in step.
- 2.
popular culture term describing a velvet painting of a smiling lion peacefully surrounded by lambs; a similar portrait of Native Americans.
- hate
- 1.
an indigestible dish traditionally served in a bottomless bowl.
- 2.
a jewel with a Mohs’ value of 10.
- 3.
hat with an e on the end; isn’t that silly? don’t you feel better about it all now?
- hater
-
a manipulative criticism against the critics wise to one’s manipulative tactics; the equivalent of saying, “You are,” in a sandbox twice in a row before the other kid has actually said anything.
- HDTV
-
a drug oriented cable access show that’s been canceled.
- heart
- 1.
a palpitating vessel in the chest area of many living creatures, which over time and use decreases substantially in strength and relevance.
- 2.
an offering of another’s generosity to oneself, as in, “Have a heart.”
- 3.
a crucial organ associated with happiness and well-being, the decay of which can be measured approximately by glancing back at the dreams in one’s recent past, and then mulling over, repeatedly, one’s current, mind-numbing inability to raise a finger to change the situation.
- heathen
-
one of the early or primitive races of man, so spiritually backward as to pray out of doors and fabricate idols from materials far inferior to Carrera marble.
- heavy metal
-
what was considered by parents to be non-musical and dangerous before rap came along.
- Hell
- 1.
a fictitious land in Christian mythology of eternal punishment and torment.
- 2.
Los Angeles.
- 3.
a place of perpetual certainty; e.g., sure as hell; when hell freezes over.
- 4.
Detroit.
- 5.
the final destination of all political inroads.
- 6.
Sacramento’s Greyhound bus depot.
- helpful
- 1.
unconscious.
- 2.
easy.
- 3.
forgetful.
- hero
-
a word which clearly demonstrates the evolutionary action of single point mutation.
- heroic
-
that which, through positive excellence, implicates others of positive lack; antonym, you.
- heroin
-
a substance which if God made anything better would have to destroy you even faster.
- heroin addict
-
a musician; also an entertainer without either a social calendar or money for good coke.
- heroine
-
the counter stereotype of the dated male hero; a powerful woman capable of saving a vulnerable, defenseless, or otherwise pitiable male character at the crucial point of some grievous experience or circumstance, e.g., heroin.
- hide
-
the part of one’s body which is most often pale, therefore in need of tanning.
- high
- 1.
the position of being elevated, sometimes tremendously, above a sheet of concrete.
- 2.
the state of intoxication which effectively removes one from directly perceiving reality.
- 3.
happy; fulfilled; joyous.
- high school
- 1.
a three to four year training camp in pandering to mob rule.
- 2.
pre-secondary school, post-playground.
- 3.
the never never land of teenage potheads.
- hippy
- 1.
anyone who names a child something not found in the Bible.
- 2.
a dedicated Communist, minus any possible work ethic or hygienic awareness.
- historian
-
one who studies the passed.
- history
-
a literary genre characterized by its liberal usage of symmetry.
- histrionics
-
the genre of journalism comprising opinion editorial, eulogy and obituary, and especially warblogging.
- Hitler, Adolf
- 1.
a man to be remembered historically as having had exceptional charisma, and a tragic overconfidence in German coats.
- 2.
the secret nickname of any German with an accent or a natty, rectangular mustache.
- holiday
- 1.
British for vacation.
- 2.
French for workday.
- Holland
-
land of all things cute and lovely, from delft blue porcelain and tulips to heroin and double-dutch hooker action; also, the land of blood for diamonds.
- Holocaust, the
-
the answer to a question which resulted in a grade of zero and a long term separation of the desks of the students caught sharing papers.
- homesick
-
forgetful; drowsy; inebriated and maudlin.
- homo habilis
-
Latin for handyman; one good with tools; a mechanic.
- homophobic
-
a condition typified by an irrational fear of what is the same; e.g., “Tom had never believed he was homophobic until he discovered Stephen King’s new novel at the airport lounge giftshop.”
- homosexual
-
what your soul-mate is most likely to be—if you are hetero.
- honest
- 1.
adhering to, agreeing with; expressing only the safest opinions.
- 2.
hurtful, sadistic.
- hope
- 1.
cordial language for desperation; e.g., “He hopes to have his dictionary published any day now.”
- 2.
a thing with “wings” as told by the Bard or with “feathers” as related by the Shut-in; either serves, serving either the diner or the haberdasher.
- hopeless
- 1.
Sunday night television.
- 2.
an artist with a credit card.
- 3.
life on minimum wage.
- 4.
life on middling wages with Internet stock options.
- 5.
life on a large salary.
- 6.
any family playing Risk or Monopoly on or near Christmas.
- horoscope
-
a cute, arbitrarily personalized poem to read between distressing thoughts of what’s really going on.
see also US Constitution.
- however
-
a synonym for “but,” especially ironic because the word is used by those who can be properly called by the orifice which inhabits the aforementioned homonym; what?
see joke.
- HTML
- 1.
Hurtful, Terrible, Mean Language.
- 2.
that which continues to allow majenta an Internet presence.
- human interest
-
idiom, that which is uninteresting; especially as human interest story.
- human resources
- 1.
strip mining for souls.
- 2.
a type of natural resource in drastically short supply; it is believed the earth will be exhausted of this resource by the year 2020.
- Humanist
-
one who worships humans as divine creators and givers of life; a loving son or daughter.
- humility
-
the proudest of possessions.
- humorless
- 1.
on hold.
- 2.
hitching a ride before assessing the driver to be a relentless fan of Kenny G.
- 3.
hiccups regarding a perfectly good insurance scam, having already planned out how to spend the majority of the claim.
- Hussein, Saddam
-
perhaps the chief cause of evil in the world—former chiefs have included Idi Amin, Joseph Stalin, and 1938 Gold Medalist in Oration, Adolf Hitler; with the removal of Saddam Hussein we expect to get to the bottom of the pile any day now.
- hymenectomy
-
a surgical procedure meant to increase or cement one’s social standing; orally applied anesthetics such as flunitrazepam can ease the pain, and even the memory, of the procedure.
- hyperbole
- 1.
a dialect of English native to Generation X.
- 2.
n, describing any statement, expressed idea, or feeling with which one disagrees.
- HyperDictionary
-
Noah Webster exhumed and on the tweak.
compare with UrbanDictionary.
- hypocrite
- 1.
one whose vanity exceeds one’s sense of humor.
- 2.
a Christian with material wealth, a Buddhist with material wealth, a Communist with material wealth, or a Muslim.
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