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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
Holland
land of all things cute and lovely, from delft blue porcelain and tulips to heroin and double-dutch hooker action; also, the land of blood for diamonds.
Holocaust, the
the answer to a question which resulted in a grade of zero and a long term separation of the desks of the students caught sharing papers.
homesick
forgetful; drowsy; inebriated and maudlin.
homo habilis
Latin for handyman; one good with tools; a mechanic.
homophobic
a condition typified by an irrational fear of what is the same; e.g., “Tom had never believed he was homophobic until he discovered Stephen King’s new novel at the airport lounge giftshop.”
homosexual
what your soul-mate is most likely to be—if you are hetero.
honest
1. adhering to, agreeing with; expressing only the safest opinions.
2. hurtful, sadistic.
hope
1. cordial language for desperation; e.g., “He hopes to have his dictionary published any day now.”
2. a thing with “wings” as told by the Bard or with “feathers” as related by the Shut-in; either serves, serving either the diner or the haberdasher.
hopeless
1. Sunday night television.
2. an artist with a credit card.
3. any family playing Risk or Monopoly on or near Christmas.
4. life on minimum wage.
5. life on middling wages with Internet stock options.
6. life on a large salary.
horoscope
a cute, arbitrarily personalized poem to read between distressing thoughts of what’s really going on.
see also US Constitution.
however
a synonym for “but,” especially ironic because the word is used by those who can be properly called by the orifice which inhabits the aforementioned homonym; what?
see joke.
HTML
1. Hurtful, Terrible, Mean Language.
2. that which continues to allow majenta an Internet presence.
human interest
idiom, that which is uninteresting; especially as human interest story.
human resources
1. strip mining for souls.
2. a type of natural resource in drastically short supply; it is believed the earth will be exhausted of this resource by the year 2020.
Humanist
one who worships humans as divine creators and givers of life; a loving son or daughter.
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