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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
ibid
from the Latin term, ibidem, meaning, only monkeys look.
idiot
1. Christ in Russia.
2. curious George in Washington.
IKEA
1. merchant bent on achieving world domination via the curious tactic of gradually making every living room in the world identical.
2. an Axis partner of Starbucks; the new Swedish Gestapo theorizes that hopped up people will be more readily assimilated.
illegal
1. describing that which can be used against a person through threat of public revelation by anyone else, especially an officer of the law.
2. describing that which can be made up about a person by anyone else, especially an officer of the law.
3. condescending parental tips, where refusal is punishable by law; the government’s high-horse; your ass in a napkin.
IM, instant message
1. in the workplace: the equivalent of unwanted company appearing at your desk when you’re on a deadline, and then reappearing, and then asking if you’re paying attention, then popping back around to ask if you saw that cute picture of kittens that went around the office yesterday, then checking in to see if you got the email he just sent you, and then reappearing at your desk just to smile, and then asking where the work is that you’re supposed to be done with.
2. the revenge of the lonely and insecure, violently visited upon any poor wretch with an answering machine who doesn’t mind being out of contact with all the leaves of his address book for so much as an hour.
imagination
premeditated fear.
imagine
to shirk one’s duty to the moment.
immigrant
someone initially arriving in the United States with hopes of obtaining some pretty exceptional carrots.
important
in speech and debate, one “er” sound away from “impotent.”
impotence
the incapability of achieving an erection, occurring at some point in well over half all human male lives; what a bunch of pathetic freaks.
inaffectual
lacking the instincts to nurture or be nurtured; existing without any love.
inappropriate
[we invite the reader to consult other tomes in this case as it should be obvious by now this lexicographer has no sense of the term.]
incest
1. to engage in sexual concourse with a blood relative; an horrific crime against God and man.
2. as related in Genesis, the primary way in which mankind came to cover the globe, done at the express behest of the creator Himself.
independence
1. foot stomping; denying the existence of those closest.
2. Thomas Paine’s most famous drink recipe dictated to Thomas Jefferson, read by William Shatner, filmed by Leni Riefenstahl on her 100th birthday, and scored to the tune of some Nazi march or another.
3. inconsideration; insensitivity.
Independence Day
1. a colorful American festivity taking place the day after a hugely celebrated British holiday, known as “Dependence Day.”
2. the date of the marked realization that external forces no longer held power over American territory, so we’d have to find a way of torching it ourselves.
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