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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
Jack Daniel’s
a popular American whiskey from the state of Tennessee named for its original proprietor who—like so many vendors of extra-legal luxury commodities today—entered his trade at 13 years of age.
see also breakfast.
Jackson, Michael
the rather talented but unfortunate combination of Jerry Lee Lewis and Nijinsky.
jailbait
a type of wriggling pink creature which can make even the hook of a state penitentiary seem a fine dish.
Japan
land of the rising sun and the setting sense of self.
Japanese Patent Officer
1. a minor devil; a demon.
2. a running gag.
3. a man who would rather take his life than pay his bill.
jarhead
an epithet generally directed at those who habitually shave their heads to resemble the top of a jar; a Marine.
compare to raghead.
java
1. nonsense, hipster slang for coffee.
2. nonsense, hipster slang for programming.
more at fad.
jazz
1. an African American musician’s insufficient check.
2. a white musician’s insufficient jizm.
jealousy
1. the first step toward understanding your true and lasting place in the world.
2. the act of checking, by eye or subtle pen-mark, the level of one’s household tube of K-Y Jelly.
Jesus
1. one third of a trinity of deities consisting of the following: Jesus, Mohammed, and Buddha.
2. the most famous Jew in history whose followers have sworn to emulate his life; they begin by swearing off Jewry and killing or persecuting as many Jews as are readily available.
Jesus freak
1. epithet used to describe a Baptist, considered offensive.
2. epithet used to describe a Baptist, considered accurate.
see also Jesus phreak.
Jesus phreak
1. a born again hacker.
2. a man or woman with a sexual complex relating to the savior; one who carries a spear instead of a torch.
see also Jesus freak.
Jew
1. a Semite; member of the Arabian races.
2. a matrilineal race characterized by habitual mutilation of the male sex organ and an overfondness for banking.
3. the chosen people; chosen last and for the worst in all cases to date.
job
1. a killing performed for money; a hit.
2. a sex act of any kind (blow-job, rim-job, a lube-job, etc).
3. what one pretends to do in the hope others will work.
4. the single most distasteful implication of adulthood.
5. something so repellent to the modern American psyche that it is actively avoided at all costs.
[the single exception to definition 5 is the immigrant, who has no distaste for—or difficulty excelling at—work; ranging from scientific to janitorial.]
more on American significance at lottery.
john
a man who is given a fish.
compare with pimp.
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