- Jack Daniel's
-
a popular American whiskey from the state of Tennessee named for its original proprietor who—like so many vendors of extra-legal luxury commodities today—entered his trade at 13 years of age.
see also breakfast.
- Jackson, Michael
-
the rather talented but unfortunate combination of Jerry Lee Lewis and Nijinsky.
- jailbait
-
a type of wriggling pink creature which can make even the hook of a state penitentiary seem a fine dish.
- Japan
-
land of the rising sun and the setting sense of self.
- Japanese Patent Officer
- 1.
a minor devil; a demon.
- 2.
a running gag.
- 3.
a man who would rather take his life than pay his bill.
- jarhead
-
an epithet generally directed at those who habitually shave their heads to resemble the top of a jar; a Marine.
compare to raghead.
- java
- 1.
nonsense, hipster slang for coffee.
- 2.
nonsense, hipster slang for programming.
more at fad.
- jazz
- 1.
an African American musician’s insufficient check.
- 2.
a white musician’s insufficient jizm.
- jealousy
- 1.
the first step toward understanding your true and lasting place in the world.
- 2.
the act of checking, by eye or subtle pen-mark, the level of one’s household tube of K-Y Jelly.
- Jesus
- 1.
one third of a trinity of deities consisting of the following: Jesus, Mohammed, and Buddha.
- 2.
the most famous Jew in history whose followers have sworn to emulate his life; they begin by swearing off Jewry and killing or persecuting as many Jews as are readily available.
- Jesus freak
- 1.
epithet used to describe a Baptist, considered offensive.
- 2.
epithet used to describe a Baptist, considered accurate.
see also Jesus phreak.
- Jesus phreak
- 1.
a born again hacker.
- 2.
a man or woman with a sexual complex relating to the savior; one who carries a spear instead of a torch.
see also Jesus freak.
- Jew
- 1.
a Semite; member of the Arabian races.
- 2.
a matrilineal race characterized by habitual mutilation of the male sex organ and an over fondness for banking.
- 3.
the chosen people; chosen last and for the worst in all cases to date.
- job
- 1.
a killing performed for money; a hit.
- 2.
a sex act of any kind (blow-job, rim-job, a lube-job, etc).
- 3.
what one pretends to do in the hope others will work.
- 4.
the single most distasteful implication of adulthood.
- 5.
something so repellent to the modern American psyche that it is actively avoided at all costs.
[the single exception to definition 5 is the immigrant, who has no distaste for—or difficulty excelling at–work; ranging from scientific to janitorial.]
more on American significance at lottery.
- john
-
a man who is given a fish.
compare with pimp.
- joke
- 1.
an action, especially verbal, which is intended to be funny or to hurt someone.
- 2.
a gift which, if not well taken, is a sign of dullness in the recipient; as in “Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke,” and “He who laughs last, thinks slowest.”
- 3.
a gift which, if requiring explanation, is a sign of dullness in the giver; not funny to begin with; a social retard’s best jest.
- 4.
that which is intended to raise someone’s expectations to the minimum height, usually above a sheet of concrete, necessary to achieve terminal velocity when they are let down; this is where the expression, “Life is funny,” refers.
- journalist
- 1.
a writer who writes about sensational occurrences long after they happen and even longer after they are interesting.
- 2.
a writer who uses marketing in lieu of judgement, appetite in place of taste, and style as proxy for skill.
- 3.
an anti-romantic; a naturalist with a day job.
more at news room.
- judge
-
an official entrusted with administration of the interests of the white man.
- judgemental
- 1.
one with the marked ability of quick decision making.
- 2.
one in which self-confidence and wisdom are neatly wed.
- 3.
a committed judge, a judge who has been committed.
- judicious
- 1.
careless; shortsighted; unwise.
- 2.
incapable of making a definite choice.
compare to judgemental.
- justice
-
a blind woman of considerable strength wielding a sword at any unfamiliar voice.
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