 
- lamprey
- 1.
an animal that spends its life sucking—but in a bad way.
- 2.
a similar type of higher mammal which must suck for sustenance; this species is most often observed at casting calls and in deserted board rooms.
- largesse
-
generosity in giving; e.g., “Jennifer Lopez’s charity work shows her largesse.”
- late fee
-
a price one must occasionally pay to one’s bill-collectors for the privilege of having one’s payday scheduled by his employer.
- latté
-
espresso for girls.
see also, espresso.
- law
-
with banking and medicine one of the three crown jewels of Judaism.
- law of the jungle, the
-
an all-purpose, appeal-proof statute which codifies everything from the proper time and place for flinging feces to the sixteen best reasons to kill; the legislation is remarkable especially because it was written using only the letters c, g, a, and t.
- lawsuit
-
how those with something to lose settle a dispute.
- leper
-
a musician who expects to be paid.
- lesbian
- 1.
a beautiful, gracious, sexy, intelligent woman who has made a devastatingly poor lifestyle choice.
- 2.
an unappealing, clumsy, dim woman with hygiene issues who has made an enlightened lifestyle choice.
- letter
-
archaic, the pre-computer-age habit of writing upon pulped wood with a hand operated stylus and ink; and the subsequent analog transmission of the data contained therein via human and mechanical agency.
- Lexus
- 1.
the sign by which the aristocracy will be recognized during the Great Guillotine Revival of the late 21st century.
- 2.
the unpublished masterpiece by Henry Miller detailing step by step how to convince young girls to let one stick candles in their anuses.
- liar
-
one who is basically honest but is on other occasions a useless waste of skin.
- Liberia
-
a country in Africa founded for and by black American expatriates; a chance to demonstrate their innate superiority to the white man by denying the right to vote to their own Negroes for fully 76 years longer.
- Libertarian
- 1.
a political curiosity; a person whose political view consists of knowing what’s right and then closing one’s eyes.
compare with Democrat and Republican.
- 2.
a Druid; a political kamikaze; a harmlessly unelectable psychopath.
- lick
- 1.
to appease a spouse.
- 2.
to defeat an enemy.
- 3.
to garner a promotion.
- 4.
to heal a wound.
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