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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
lie
1. to utter something untrue; as the Master teaches us, lies come in many levels: fib, white lie, lie, out and out lie, damn lie, goddamn lie, and statistics.
2. to speak about one’s career.
3. to speak to one’s lover.
see also data.
Limbaugh, Rush
1. a clinical dietitian whose has advanced a fantastically successful theory of weight-loss, being prescription narcotics block appetite every bit as effectively as heroin and opium; more at pill-popper.
2. a philosopher who has proposed an enlightened theory of segregation, namely black drug abusers in prison, white drug abusers on the radio.
see also radio disc jockey.
linguist
1. one whose skill with the tongue is, sadly, rather limited to enunciation.
2. from the Latin for tongue, lingua; a tonguer, one who tongues.
Linux
a little-known character from the Asterix and Obelix novels whose fictitious fame rests on his proclivity for diddling penguins.
literally
the sound a human rectum makes when trying to pronounce the word “figuratively.”
live
1. to be alive, have life.
2. to be single.
3. to exhibit zest, vim, or vigor in.
4. to be single and male.
living
the process of attaching unpleasant memories to geographic coordinates.
locomotive
a compound Spanish-Latin term describing the reasons why one does anything.
LOL
Internet acronym, Lick or Lube.
Lollapalooza
a touring music show of various alternative artists that went bust for the last time in 2004; the fact that they could not sell tickets with a lineup of cutting edge virtuosi—including Morrissey, the Flaming Lips, the String Cheese Incident, Le Tigre, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, and the Pixies—is a sad and damning testimony against how little young people appreciate the rare remaining musical artists who have the ability to remain simultaneously dated, pretentious, and beggarly.
see also punk and alternative.
lonely
1. describing one of a thoughtful, or philosophically balanced nature.
2. a Californian on the East Coast.
3. a musician in the Western Hemisphere.
4. a writer, in the company of others.
5. any American in a foreign country who is capable of speaking and understanding the native tongue.
long distance relationship
1. an agonizing project of ungodly phone bills and endless lacking.
2. according to a certain wise Mexican cliché translated literally, “for pussies.”
3. a lesson that’ll slap you in the face mercilessly every time you let your guard down until someone either breaks it off or moves to suit the other one’s weather preferences.
longing
1. having a lack of appreciation for one’s current environment, however shitty.
2. a sure sign of the ability to distinguish colors, especially shades of green.
Los Angeles
1. Magic Mountain.
2. Disneyland.
3. a bigger dick waiting to break off in your naive little “I think I want to be in show business” mumbling ass than you can possibly imagine.
see Hell.
lottery
a tax on stupidity.
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