- M
- 1.
a “W” very madly in love; a dizzy “W.”
- 2.
a dead “W“; e.g., “President M.”
- Mad Cow Disease
- 1.
evidence toward a shocking revelation that it might not be the best idea to feed an animal its own parents before consuming it.
- 2.
no reason for concern if your country is mystically protected by the Magic Meat Faeries of America; acronym, USDA.
- magazine
- 1.
a periodical publication; all real magazines are published in New York City.
- 2.
the ammunition packet of a firearm.
- magenta
-
in printing, one of the three primary colors.
- magpie
- 1.
a black and white bird.
- 2.
a mulatto with better than average color fastness.
- mail order bride
-
the new indentured servitude—3 years of blowjobs, backrides, and semi-courteous treatment of the groom’s friends buys any pretty Ukrainian or Southeast Asian girl American citizenship with a side of American divorce.
- majenta
- 1.
in printing, a disingenuous shade of red.
- 2.
descriptive n, meaning misspelling.
- 3.
a gazette founded by the Devil.
- 4.
dirty red.
- 5.
a misconstrued love letter.
- male-slut
-
a man with no scruples; a lucky son of a bitch.
- malicious
-
aggressiveness in publicizing facts.
- mammogram
-
a vaudevillian revision of the telegram, considered offensive, in which the delivery person wears black face; the last recorded occurrence was a message Ted Danson delivered to Whoopie Goldberg.
- man
-
a balding monkey.
- manager
- 1.
self-absorbed pish-posh of a man or woman reeking of alcoholic pride and company thievery.
- 2.
a slick back-talker; one paid to turn people against each other.
- 3.
a cheerful and spry seminar hopping advisor constantly chanting something about there being no such thing as a stupid question.
- 4.
one who, lacking all rudimentary skills for completing any type of work, is called upon to direct all types of work for others.
compare with micro manager.
- managing editor
-
one in which we observe the sublime nexus of manager and editor; see manager and editor.
- Manifest Destiny
-
a theory that the property rights resulting of a long term free market struggle can be logically inferred in advance based on the variables x and y where x is how red one is and y is how many Winchesters to which one has access.
see also Eminent Domain.
- marrying man
-
one with the ability to compromise and apologize for compromising in the same instance.
- Mars
-
Earth’s second nearest planetary sibling, fourth planet from the sun; mankind looks toward establishing a presence on Mars because it is theorized to be much more appropriate for human life than the Earth as the trees are already cut down and all species of animals are conveniently extinct.
- Martin Luther King Day
-
a holiday popular in Arizona, by threat of national boycott, and in New Hampshire, as long as it’s not too closely associated with any black man in particular.
- Marx, Karl
- 1.
yet another Prussian who tremendously influenced recent world history; see also WW I and Adolf Hitler.
- 2.
the most widely known but least amusing Marx brother.
- masculism
-
a path of hatred and division; the devotion of subjugation and drinking blood of the innocent.
compare with feminism.
- master
- 1.
the pretty bauble affixed to the end of a slave’s chain.
compare to slave.
- 2.
one who is the total authority in a given situation; e.g., “The coach sure is the master of the team.”
- masturbate
- 1.
to cause pleasure by digital genital stimulation.
- 2.
to write poetry; especially to read one’s own poetry in a coffee house.
- masturbation
-
something that was exciting in the distant past.
- matrimony
-
an early misstep in the eternal quest to build a better mantrap.
- MBA
-
business acronym, Must Be an Asshole.
- mean
-
asking your mother for change for that $20.
- memory
-
the shade of an experience—haunting or fading in inverse proportion to the pleasure it brings.
- menopause
-
the period in a woman’s life marked by the absence of same.
- mesothelioma
- 1.
a rare cancer typically caused by the inhalation of asbestos particles.
- 2.
a shameless, unamusing, utterly repugnant way to raise online ad revenue.
- Methodist
-
a branch of Christianity which takes its name from its indoctrinated practice of the rhythm Method.
- micro manager
-
a manager with an unusually minuscule sexual organ.
more at manager.
- Microsoft
-
a compound Greek-English term meaning tiny and flaccid.
- midterm
-
a medically imperative one week break from sex, booze, and ecstasy.
- Midwest
- 1.
the history of “sprawl,” expressed in a 2,200 mile road trip.
- 2.
not quite West and not quite East; sometimes North but never quite South — a location and culture based more on what it isn’t than what it is — a land of negations.
- 3.
a kindly bunch of folk whose children enjoy parental compassion lasting as long as two weeks at home between semesters or jobs, and up to as many as three whole digits worth of freely given love.
- MILF
-
a totally rude and inappropriate acronym, Mother I’d Like to F***; sometimes written milf; the MILF is largely an urban legend which is at odds with the ubiquity of the all too real JFCIREDTSSMBTBSDTFTVSPSBCYCM; Jesus Fucking Christ, I’d rather eat diarrhea through a straw or slam my boner in that bitch’s SUV door than fuck that vodka soaked pile of silicon, botox, and cellulite you call, “Mom.”
- mine
-
possessive pronoun, the opposite of yours.
- minion
-
a paralegal.
- Minnesota
- 1.
a state famous for its unsavory timepieces.
- 2.
birthplace of the MMPI—Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory—an exam used by corporations to bar employment from those with personal defects such as monophasic ethics.
- mirror
-
a telescope with a 1:1 magnification power which shows all the evil in the world when viewed at right angles.
- misanthropy
-
compound term, miss + anthrop-, the philosophy of those who dearly miss humanity.
- misery
- 1.
kinship.
- 2.
empathy.
- misfortune
-
the result of any firmly embedded sense of idealism, mixed with a carefree willingness to leave one’s bedroom.
- mishap
-
a conception; the failure to sterilize.
- mistake
- 1.
sixty seconds unpaid at work.
- 2.
a vow of allegiance to a nation.
- 3.
the loan of anything to a friend.
- 4.
an honest remark to a woman.
- misunderestimate
-
to inadequately assess the popularity of corruption and stupidity.
- Mitnick, Kevin
-
a lecturer who is paid handsomely by corporate executives to explain to their employees what the management apparently doesn’t understand either, that people are gullible.
see also hacker.
- Mohammed
-
a man who began a religion which sees women as vessels of evil temptation—maybe he had something there; alternate spellings, Mohamed, Mohammad, Muhammad, and Pete.
- moneymaker
-
one’s hindquarters, rarely shaken but often inverted and elevated for the actual making of money.
- monkey-fucker
- 1.
a translator of diseases from one plane of evolution to another.
- 2.
he who makes heard nature’s cry: that all men were created equally horny.
- 3.
a native of the west coast.
compare to pig-fucker.
- monogram
- 1.
not enough of any drug.
- 2.
one gram; on average this is about enough to make a user agitated, furious.
- monotheist
- 1.
a religious pauper.
- 2.
one whose inability to make friends reaches Biblical proportions.
- Moore’s Law
-
a computer science principle stating that every 18 months your need to purchase a new computer will double.
- Mormon
- 1.
also Church of Latter-day Saints; a church founded on the completely irrational proposition that being kind to family and strangers is halfway home on the road to God’s Kingdom.
- 2.
a church founded on the very reasonable idea that a man should be allowed as many wives as he can afford to feed.
- mortgage
-
a popular anal probe peculiar in its immense size and Sisyphean duration.
- mother
-
the original binary programmer who manages to code guilt, remorse, anxiety, fear of failure, and dread—as well as a dozen sexual complexes—with the skillful use of nothing but the words “yes” and “no.”
see also father.
- Mother's Day
-
a state enforced holiday which demands a sense of sacred reverence for any woman who has borne a child; unfortunately the reverence is required even for those that birthed quivering 4lb crack-addicted premies—fortunately the reverence is not required the other 364 days of the year and can be had for the price of a Hallmark card accompanying last week’s stale roses.
more at mother; compare to Father’s Day.
- motherfucker
- 1.
offensive; describing a horrible person.
- 2.
one who engages in sexual intercourse with one’s own mother.
- 3.
something of serious impact; e.g., “He was chronic like a motherfucker”; dialect, motherfuck.
- 4.
Cain; more at incest.
- motivate
-
nag ceaselessly; cajole; threaten.
compare with persuade.
- motivational speaker
-
business term referring to anyone in control of the business end of a firearm.
- motorcycle cop
-
one who in trying to decide whether to become an outlaw biker or a Junior Grand Dragon in the Klan decided to go legit and split the difference.
see also biker.
- Mrs
-
a traditional type of college degree awarded exclusively to women.
- MTV
- 1.
a game show network.
- 2.
a network where Diana Ross bouncing Lil’ Kim’s bare titty is great entertainment but a flash of Janet Jackson’s nipple ring is a horrifying “accident.”
- murder
- 1.
the purposeful termination of a life.
- 2.
the logical consequence of copyright violation.
- 3.
a heinous crime in 48 states.
more at torture.
- my
- 1.
the last possessive in the American English Dictionary.
- 2.
a word of exclamation, which when repeated may emphasize one’s impression of a female body during the process of undressing it; e.g., “My, my, my, my, my.”
- My Lai
-
a US Army sponsored 4-hour remake of the Japanese dramatic opera entitled The Rape of Nanking.
- myth
- 1.
defined in the literary world as the dreams of a culture.
- 2.
a TV commercial, or any other visual ad — the specific dreams of our culture.
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