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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
Mohammed
a man who began a religion which sees women as vessels of evil temptation—maybe he had something there; alternate spellings, Mohamed, Mohammad, Muhammad, and Pete.
moneymaker
one’s hindquarters, rarely shaken but often inverted and elevated for the actual making of money.
monkey-fucker
1. a native of the west coast.
compare to pig-fucker.
2. a translator of diseases from one plane of evolution to another.
3. he who makes heard nature’s cry: that all men were created equally horny.
monogram
1. not enough of any drug.
2. one gram; on average this is about enough to make a user agitated, furious.
monotheist
1. one whose inability to make friends reaches Biblical proportions.
2. a religious pauper.
Moore’s Law
a computer science principle stating that every 18 months your need to purchase a new computer will double.
Mormon
1. also Church of Latter-day Saints; a church founded on the completely irrational proposition that being kind to family and strangers is halfway home on the road to God’s Kingdom.
2. a church founded on the very reasonable idea that a man should be allowed as many wives as he can afford to feed.
mortgage
a popular anal probe peculiar in its immense size and Sisyphean duration.
mother
the original binary programmer who manages to code guilt, remorse, anxiety, fear of failure, and dread—as well as a dozen sexual complexes—with the skillful use of nothing but the words “yes” and “no.”
see also father.
motherfucker
1. offensive; describing a horrible person.
2. one who engages in sexual intercourse with one’s own mother.
3. something of serious impact; e.g., “He was chronic like a motherfucker;” dialect, motherfuck.
4. Cain; more at incest.
Mother’s Day
a state enforced holiday which demands a sense of sacred reverence for any woman who has borne a child; unfortunately the reverence is required even for those that birthed quivering 4lb crack-addicted premies—fortunately the reverence is not required the other 364 days of the year and can be had for the price of a Hallmark card accompanying last week’s stale roses.
more at mother; compare to Father’s Day.
motivate
nag ceaselessly; cajole; threaten.
compare with persuade.
motivational speaker
business term referring to anyone in control of the business end of a firearm.
motorcycle cop
one who in trying to decide whether to become an outlaw biker or a Junior Grand Dragon in the Klan decided to go legit and split the difference.
see also biker.
Mrs
a traditional type of college degree awarded exclusively to women.
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