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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
naïve
willing to believe anything; open minded.
nap
1. the sleep of adults and opportunistic parents.
2. what alcoholics take in the twilight between drinks to stop the morning shakes and drinks to get on with enjoying another beautiful evening.
NASDAQ
1. the Arabian word for sneeze.
2. a soft-science calculation regarding the value of countless gambling notes perpetuated by power hungry computer twits high off the smell of soldered plastic.
nasty
1. willing and limber; passive and flexible.
2. deviant; not at all opposed to mutual satisfaction; kind, considerate, caring and sweet.
3. five letters which differentiate your girlfriend’s other email address from the one you’re now aware of.
natural disaster
a naturally occurring catastrophe wherein untold horror and death is visited upon humanity in the form of being burned alive by volcanoes, pulped by earthquakes, frozen by ice storm, drowned by disturbed waters, or sucked up to the heavens by a funnel cloud, thusly robbing many of their rightful chance to die of bone cancer or nursing home abuse.
see also act of God.
natural selection
1. a choice that comes naturally; e.g., death before disco.
2. a theory proposed in 1859 by the son of a preacher man; yes he was, he was, oh, yes he was.
more at evolution.
Nazi
1. a shortening of the German term “national socialist;” any similar socialist who lives in a nation.
2. any person whose politics elevates the importance of one’s nation, or Fatherland, above all humanist values such as television and Spring Break.
3. if you are of German or Austrian extraction, and not a Jew, your grandparents.
need
American slang, to want.
Negro Bill
1. a campsite in Moab, Utah named after a black outlaw of local infamy.
2. an adorable water fowl frequenting the Colorado River, sporting a politically questionable beak.
3. an act of Congress which starts with the words, “Negro wasn’t exactly the word they used back then,” and ends with, “That’s just the way folk talk around here.”
never
the time span between resolution and desperation.
new
something one is forced to learn every goddamn day.
New Age
the religions, fallacies, snake oils, and spiritual slaveries of the old age in plastic packaging.
compare with old age.
New England
1. a string of overheated Duncan Donuts, without the public restrooms or amusing counterstaff.
2. to New York as the Bay Area is to Los Angeles: snotty where they should imitate, imitative where they could stand to show independence.
3. a series of bewildering turnstiles leading to crass business meetings of genetically ambiguous opportunity—Mutant Valley.
4. where the big money isn’t as big, but every bit as dirty.
New Mexico
the Land of Enchantment, also the land of minimum wage part-time work without benefits where a one bedroom mud-hut at the end of a snowed-in road rents at $750 a month.
New York
a modern city-state which appears to be the center of world culture, commerce, fashion, design, and art when viewed through the skylight of one’s rectum.
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