- naive
-
willing to believe anything; open minded.
- 'Nam
-
abrv, Viet Nam (sometimes Vietnam), a French experiment in the exportation of aristocracy—as is the case with so many dinner parties France has initiated, she ate well and departed early leaving others to pick up the tab.
- nap
- 1.
the sleep of adults and opportunistic parents.
- 2.
what alcoholics take in the twilight between drinks to stop the morning shakes and drinks to get on with enjoying another beautiful evening.
- NASDAQ
- 1.
the Arabian word for sneeze.
- 2.
a soft-science calculation regarding the value of countless gambling notes perpetuated by power hungry computer twits high off the smell of soldered plastic.
- nasty
- 1.
willing and limber; passive and flexible.
- 2.
deviant; not at all opposed to mutual satisfaction; kind, considerate, caring and sweet.
- 3.
five letters which differentiate your girlfriend’s other email address from the one you’re now aware of.
- natural disaster
-
a naturally occurring catastrophe wherein untold horror and death is visited upon humanity in the form of being burned alive by volcanoes, pulped by earthquakes, frozen by ice storm, drowned by disturbed waters, or sucked up to the heavens by a funnel cloud, thusly robbing many of their rightful chance to die of bone cancer or nursing home abuse.
see also act of God.
- natural selection
- 1.
a choice that comes naturally; e.g., death before disco.
- 2.
a theory proposed in 1859 by the son of a preacher man; yes he was, he was, oh, yes he was.
more at evolution.
- Nazi
- 1.
a shortening of the German term “national socialist”; any similar socialist who lives in a nation.
- 2.
any person whose politics elevates the importance of one’s nation, or Fatherland, above all humanist values such as television and Spring Break.
- 3.
if you are of German or Austrian extraction, and not a Jew, your grandparents.
- need
-
American slang, to want.
- Negro Bill
- 1.
a campsite in Moab, Utah named after a black outlaw of local infamy.
- 2.
an adorable water fowl frequenting the Colorado River, sporting a politically questionable beak.
- 3.
an act of Congress which starts with the words, “Negro wasn’t exactly the word they used back then,” and ends with, “That’s just the way folk talk around here.”
- never
-
the time span between resolution and desperation.
- new
-
something one is forced to learn every goddamn day.
- New Age
-
the religions, fallacies, snake oils, and spiritual slaveries of the old age in plastic packaging.
compare with old age.
- New England
- 1.
a string of overheated Duncan Donuts, without the public restrooms or amusing counterstaff.
- 2.
to New York as the Bay Area is to Los Angeles: snotty where they should imitate, imitative where they could stand to show independence.
- 3.
a series of bewildering turnstiles leading to crass business meetings of genetically ambiguous opportunity—Mutant Valley.
- 4.
where the big money isn’t as big, but every bit as dirty.
- New Mexico
-
the Land of Enchantment, also the land of minimum wage part-time work without benefits where a one bedroom mud-hut at the end of a snowed-in road rents at $750 a month.
- New York
-
a modern city-state which appears to be the center of world culture, commerce, fashion, design, and art when viewed through the skylight of one’s rectum.
- Newfie
- 1.
a large, strong swimming animal from Newfoundland, with thick black hair and webbed feet, used for difficult labor and excused from mentally demanding tasks.
- 2.
a breed of dog.
- news room
-
a room containing 100 typing monkeys with bylines; if they type long enough the odds are 100% that one will receive a Pulitzer.
see also journalist.
- newspaper
- 1.
any nonsensical, poorly organized collection of fluff set to type and printed on cheap paper with inferior ink.
- 2.
a detailed, often exaggerated description of anything unsettling which may occur, mixed in with a lot of fluff.
- 3.
a type of writing which no reader is willing to pay for.
see also advertising.
- nice
-
at the mercy of others.
- niggah
- 1.
a variation of the word nigger, said to be fair game for anyone of any ethnic background to use, given that one is in tight enough with the community in question.
- 2.
just try it.
- 3.
ghetto elitism all wrapped up in one dropped “er” sound; also nigga', plural, niggaz.
- nigger
- 1.
oh, no.
- 2.
wait a second, we’re working up the courage.
- 3.
a word which, when used by a black person, denotes camaraderie and deep social bonds and which, when used by a white person, has come somehow to denote the end of the world.
- 4.
the “n-word”; with n being an unknown quantity in all equations.
- 5.
one who takes things back; short for “renigger.”
- 6.
a word among many others, such as spic, wop, kraut, fag, dike, whitey, chink, kike, etc, which ought to have lost its sting by the time of the death of one Jewish comedian called Lenny Bruce.
- 7.
anything but Victor.
- 8.
an English word among several hundred thousand others—perhaps if you took the time to learn a few more of the others, this one in particular would cease to be so fascinating.
- nipple
-
the implied proxy in all channel surfing, video games, and other lonely, button-based activities; the driving force behind all human technology.
- no
- 1.
perhaps; maybe; convince me; you’re not trying hard enough.
- 2.
an unacceptable answer.
- 3.
yes.
more at yes.
- nod
- 1.
all that is required in satisfying one’s entire end of a conversation with talkative persons.
- 2.
all that is recommended in satisfying one’s entire end of a conversation with armed authority figures.
- non sequitur
-
the art of knowing precisely at what moment to describe an aardvark.
- non-alcoholic beer
- 1.
an exercise in vulgar contradiction, bitter irony, and human frustration.
see also decaffeinated coffee.
- 2.
a beverage brewed and purchased specifically for getting rid of house guests and freeloaders.
- 3.
starting at one or two in the morning, when turned so as to hide the label, an alcoholic’s iron pyrite.
- none
-
describing an amount equaling half what one feels is one’s due; e.g., “The old lady ain’t giving me none.”
- Noonan, Peggy
-
the supreme erotic diarist of our times; the jottings of her pillow-talk with her lover 1st Lieutenant R Wing are the hottest, most organ sweating, juice laden, missives in the American story—Noonan is also well known for being an avid fan and the spokesmodel of a personal massager known as MX.
- normality
- 1.
in group homes for developmentally delayed and chronically disturbed persons, something it’s the right of every resident to have served in spades.
- 2.
cruelty according to pecking order.
- 3.
drugs; hyperactivity and atrophy inflicted at unhealthy intervals; electroshock therapy in the form of pills.
- 4.
syn, apathy.
- Norwegian
-
tundra bunny; fish boiler; fjord monkey; ax chucker; Viking boy.
more at Swede.
- nose job
-
the act of sucking another’s nose until the stimulation causes a sneeze.
- nothing
- 1.
that which is of great importance; the heart of existence.
- 2.
what there is to do in Taos, Benicia, and other small towns, any night of any week.
- 3.
what there is to do anywhere in the United States but NYC after 2:30 am.
- 4.
upon death, the punchline.
- NRA
-
a think tank which is employed for constitutional opinion by the Supreme Court.
- nuclear bomb
-
the most destructive force created thus far by mankind, excepting journalism.
- nuclear explosion
- 1.
a speedy and fiery dissipation of atomic structure within an unpredictable boundary, initiated often by someone of a relatively nutty disposition.
- 2.
what’s going to happen somewhere near me if one more coffee house guitar chick covers, “And the Wind Cries Mary.”
- nymphomaniac
-
also nympho; a list of women which likely comprises none of the women you would like—from Anna Kournikova to Salma Hayek—and most of the women you wouldn’t—from your mother to your wife.
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