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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
Newfie
1. a large, strong swimming animal from Newfoundland, with thick black hair and webbed feet, used for difficult labor and excused from mentally demanding tasks.
2. a breed of dog.
news room
a room containing 100 typing monkeys with bylines; if they type long enough the odds are 100% that one will receive a Pulitzer.
see also journalist.
newspaper
1. any nonsensical, poorly organized collection of fluff set to type and printed on cheap paper with inferior ink.
2. a detailed, often exaggerated description of anything unsettling which may occur, mixed in with a lot of fluff.
3. a type of writing which no reader is willing to pay for.
see also advertising.
nice
at the mercy of others.
niggah
1. a variation of the word nigger, said to be fair game for anyone of any ethnic background to use, given that one is in tight enough with the community in question.
2. just try it.
3. ghetto elitism all wrapped up in one dropped “er” sound; also nigga’, plural, niggaz.
nigger
1. wait a second, we’re working up the courage.
2. the “n-word”; with n being an unknown quantity in all equations.
3. a word which, when used by a black person, denotes camaraderie and deep social bonds and which, when used by a white person, has come somehow to denote the end of the world.
4. an English word among several hundred thousand others—perhaps if you took the time to learn a few more of the others, this one in particular would cease to be so fascinating.
5. oh, no.
6. one who takes things back; short for “renigger.”
7. a word among many others, such as spic, wop, kraut, fag, dike, whitey, chink, kike, etc, which ought to have lost its sting by the time of the death of one Jewish comedian called Lenny Bruce.
8. anything but Victor.
nipple
the implied proxy in all channel surfing, video games, and other lonely, button-based activities; the driving force behind all human technology.
no
1. perhaps; maybe; convince me; you’re not trying hard enough.
2. an unacceptable answer.
3. yes.
more at yes.
nod
1. all that is required in satisfying one’s entire end of a conversation with talkative persons.
2. all that is recommended in satisfying one’s entire end of a conversation with armed authority figures.
non sequitur
the art of knowing precisely at what moment to describe an aardvark.
non-alcoholic beer
1. an exercise in vulgar contradiction, bitter irony, and human frustration.
see also decaffeinated coffee.
2. a beverage brewed and purchased specifically for getting rid of house guests and freeloaders.
3. starting at one or two in the morning, when turned so as to hide the label, an alcoholic’s iron pyrite.
none
describing an amount equaling half what one feels is one’s due; e.g., “The old lady ain’t giving me none.”
Noonan, Peggy
the supreme erotic diarist of our times; the jottings of her pillow-talk with her lover 1st Lieutenant R Wing are the hottest, most organ sweating, juice laden, missives in the American story—Noonan is also well known for being an avid fan and the spokesmodel of a personal massager known as MX.
normality
1. in group homes for developmentally delayed and chronically disturbed persons, something it’s the right of every resident to have served in spades.
2. cruelty according to pecking order.
3. drugs; hyperactivity and atrophy inflicted at unhealthy intervals; electroshock therapy in the form of pills.
4. syn, apathy.
Norwegian
tundra bunny; fish boiler; fjord monkey; ax chucker; Viking boy.
more at Swede.
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