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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
pager
1. a simple service to receive calls, costing an average of eight dollars a month to keep, which has somehow come to imply a superlative income.
2. an employer’s homing device, useful in commanding only the most pigeon-like employees.
Paglia, Camille
1. one of ten living women who deserves to be allowed to carry an unlicensed vagina—the other nine will not be described here; they do not include Madonna, nor Hillary Clinton.
2. the only college woman still worthy to arouse a male editor’s sexual desire and devotion who is, quite predictably, a lesbian.
pain
1. knowledge.
2. intelligence.
3. love; especially when combined with meanings 1 and 2 above.
Palestine
South Central Israel.
paranoid
describing one with the ability to read thoughts and predict the future.
parenthood
a cowl which is intended to impart automatic wisdom to the wearer but is typically nothing more than an 18 year badge of karma.
Paris
a well-lighted, fantastically beautiful pay-toilet, with uncharacteristically unappreciative attendants.
park
to fornicate; e.g., “Let’s park.”
parthenogenesis
1. spontaneous reproduction via an unfertilized female gamete.
2. the militant feminist lesbian’s wet-dream.
passionate
1. immature; petty.
2. psychopathic; obsessive; dangerous.
passive-aggressive
an oxymoron; you wouldthink” so.
Passover
the holiday that appropriately reminds us of God’s attitude toward the children of non-believers.
patience
what one is encouraged to have while others enjoy what one has not.
patriot
literally, one who loves and supports his or her fatherland—hence the sweet and fitting Latin, pro patria mori; a notable rush of patriotism occurred in Europe c 1938 and a renaissance has finally made its way to the American shores.
see also the Patriot Act.
Patriot Act, the
1. the missing act in the American play; more at patriot.
2. a legal act to allow extended powers of warrant and interoperability to new and differing branches of law enforcement as well as to provide sufficient funds for the purchase of enough matches to cover every copy of the US Bill of Rights extant.
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