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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
peace
the opposite of entropy; a system that exchanges no energy; death.
pedant
a political reformist whose chief goal is the lowering of the voting majority from 51% to 3%.
more at pedantic.
pedantic
courteous; helpful; friendly.
more at pedant.
pedophilia
the deviant and usually exclusive sexual desire for children—modern techniques for combatting pedophilia include adult women shaving their genitals as bald as 4 year-olds’ so as to confuse the pedophile into committing normal sexual intercourse—to what degree this confusion affects non-pedophiles remains to be scientifically determined.
peer pressure
to cause capitulation in another by a harsh and steady gaze.
pen name
a cynical attempt to improve one’s book sales through the adoption of a popular ethnicity or the masking of an unpopular one.
related term, stage name.
penis
the prime ingredient in all Chinese pharmacology.
Perfidy
a girl’s name especially popular in New Mexico.
performance review
a corporate masturbation-vengeance fantasy wherein each employee’s secret ability to single-handedly support and save the company surfaces along side the less flattering revelations about co-workers.
periodical
a monthly publication describing in gruesome detail what kinds of tragedies have occurred as a result of various women’s monthly cycles taking hold; notorious headlines include, “It Could’ve Been Such a Fun Trip,” and, “Political Debate Leads to Liberal Man’s Balls on Flagpole—Republican Wife Shows No Remorse.”
perl hacker
hacker lite.
more at hacker.
persuade
1. to provide Rohypnol surreptitiously.
2. to display the rifling of one’s sidearm for intimate examination.
3. to encourage another to take your view by reminding him of something he told you which he wasn’t supposed to.
pervert
anyone who has typed “sphincter” into a search engine while not engaged in medical research.
PETA
acronym, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals; a group concerned with even the tragic slave labor honey bees endure in servitude to mankind; one hopes PETA will never discover even smaller animals exist, lest we lose our moral privilege to consume yogurt, tap water, and the organic vegetables filled with more insects than a bucket of malathion could have prevented anyway.
petting zoo
junior high.
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