 
- PhD
-
pronounced Fudd, a type of educational certificate indicative of the years of study afforded by a pronounced or pathological inability to socialize.
- Philbin, Regis
- 1.
TV’s formidable enemy to stock-holders in hair-dye, tanning salons, and Viagra.
- 2.
one whose taste in women outlines the personality of a castrati that would’ve been gay if his genitalia had made it to puberty.
- 3.
a wit-free yet cheerful freak of upper-class nature which, having been born into money somehow came to assume that he’s capable of... hey wait a minute, what the fuck does this guy do anyway?
- philosophy
- 1.
business.
- 2.
any string of rationalizations used to justify unconscionable actions.
- 3.
a type of system-building logic rooted upon the following axiom: A is true if B is true if A is true, etc.
- Phoenix
- 1.
a city lacking natural water supplies where average temperatures climb above 100°F on a regular basis.
- 2.
a suburban area with a half acre of grass in front of every white retiree’s house.
- 3.
a legendary bird about as likely to rise from the ashes as the town which bears its name.
- photo-journalist
-
a type of journalist who does most of his reporting photographically; the photo-journalist is distinguished as a higher moral form of the journalist as a photo-journalist wouldn’t stand by and let someone die just to get a story, unless he had his camera out already.
- Photoshop
-
step 3 on the list, “How to Make a Million Dollars Online,” with steps 1 and 2 involving photographs of the bodies of one’s favorite porn stars and headshots of Britney Spears and Jennifer Love-Hewitt.
- physical therapy
- 1.
payments made on an account long in arrears with accompanying surcharges and late payment penalties.
- 2.
similar garnishments cruelly attached to an account shortchanged at the moment of issuance.
- physician
- 1.
high falutin talk for doctor.
- 2.
a type of doctor who has taken the Hippocratic oath, though a visit or phone call to any North American physician today suggests it has been supplanted by the Hypocritic.
- Picasso, Pablo
- 1.
a painter whose chief claim to fame is the 20,000 illustrations he contributed to the international edition of “The Emperor’s New Clothes.”
- 2.
Italian: Pi’cazzo.
- 3.
an asshole.
- picky
-
regarding food or sex: starving.
- pig-fucker
- 1.
a severe exclamation of profanity.
- 2.
an interesting thought.
- 3.
a native of Montana.
compare to monkey-fucker.
- 4.
a euphemism of fig plucker.
- pill-popper
-
a middle or upper-class drug addict; one who compulsively checks that there are enough doses left in one’s bottle of Vicodin to last till the next round of begging with the newly referred physician.
- pillow-talk
-
the muffled pleas for mercy sometimes overheard in federally managed retirement homes short of bed-space.
- pimp
-
a man who has been taught to fish.
compare with john.
- pipe-cleaner
-
one who raids pipes for the little bit of marijuana sometimes left inside; a heartless thief.
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