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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
populism
the Lowest Common Denominator as a political plank.
porch nigger
1. an expression used exclusively by a black man to describe another black man with whom he disagrees upon the time of day; part of the beauty and power of the expression lies in the fact that it can be pronounced, “house slave,” but still make the same point—you’re not black enough—without the shit-storm that would accompany public usage of the unadorned term.
2. one who believes the open container law applies neither to one’s front porch, nor to beer sold in forty ounce bottles.
see also, white trash.
pork
to fornicate; e.g., “Let’s pork.”
poser
one who spells poser, “poseur.”
pot addict
a nefarious individual who uses an instantly addictive mind altering drug known as marijuana; pot addicts will lie, cheat, steal, and even kill to support this addiction.
see also cocaine addict.
practice
1. the road to perfection, paved with... something funny.
2. something perfect but not yet…
3. that which has been practiced to within a tolerance…
4. that which is best done, like all filthy and clumsy acts, in private; for a practical demonstration see 1-3 above.
pregnant
sown; loaded.
preposition
the thing to never end a sentence with.
Presidential candidate
1. a dish on the Chinese menu of politics; the offerings being one from column A) Pork, or one from column B) Vegetable.
2. a six-stringed marionette, the technical terms for the strings being law lobby, NRA, pharmaceutical money, Tobacco, minority leader kick-backs, and defense contractors.
pretentious
skinning a dead man whom you’ve plagiarized and wearing the pelt to your new book signing.
prison
1. a government funded system for integration and homosexual sympathy enforcement focusing on Afro and Latin Americans in poverty.
2. a similar system focusing on white bankers run afoul of the law where golf and weekends off for good behavior are substituted for daily anal penetration.
private property
a long time staple of American folklore which probably originates from Western European mythology.
more at Eminent Domain.
probable cause
1. legal term meaning just about anything the fertile imagination of a police officer who doesn’t like the looks of you might cook up.
2. legal term meaning there is reasonable evidence for taking unusual action such as stopping and searching you without a warrant, tearing out the upholstery of your automobile’s seats, kneeling on the back of your neck with a Glock in your ear, et cetera.
procrastinate
[definition pending]
producer
1. a schmooze artist who has had surgery to destroy the part of the brain which governs shame.
2. the revolting combination of big-shot and suck-up which is sent skipping along Hollywood’s party scene with a wad of cash and an ounce of coke, plus a memo in his khaki coat pocket which reminds him of his only purpose: “Make sure nothing too fresh hits the screen.”
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