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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
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Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
progress
sustained betterment; improved development over time; e.g., “There was a time in the United States when merely being a black man in the wrong place could get you killed, while today a white man in the wrong place can be killed, now that’s progress.”
progressive
adj, describing the politics of the 1930s.
project manager
a secretary who has taken a Microsoft Access tutorial.
promise
an abundant commodity in most larders—the buyer is most strongly advised to check the expiry date prior to consumption.
promotion
a signpost reading, “Welcome to Success! Now Leaving Success!”
propaganda
pro-pagan; that which extols or advances the causes of polytheism, animism, or spiritism.
property
the informal name of the following classical logical proof: the grass is always greener on the other side; one has a right to green grass; therefore the grass on the other side is mine—since the mid 1960s the proof is rhetorically shortened to that grass is mine.
prophet
one who raves doom often enough to ensure he’s ignored until such time as the ravings happen to coincide with some terrible event.
prostitution
employment; the state of being employed.
protect
1. to act with the awareness of one’s temporary need for another.
2. a governmental term meaning to frighten into hiding and spending; also, protect and serve, wherein the conclusion to the fright and credit debt is being served with a warrant for one’s arrest.
protest
1. the new treason.
2. a public declaration of dissenting opinion or objection.
Proteus
an early Greek role model for all modern politicians.
proud
1. not at all or only very slightly ashamed.
2. able to suppress the blush response.
Prozac
1. a mood balancing drug manufactured by the Pfizer company.
2. the third sign of the Apocalypse.
public-transport
1. an atrocity.
2. a poor-man’s overpriced, exceedingly crowded and uncomfortable, dangerous, sticky, severely time restricted, outrageously undependable stretch limousine.
3. a means of annually patronizing the physically handicapped by spending wildly on any new technology available, without actually accommodating them any better than the previous year; a monopolized business, obscurely owned, which cripples its service for publicity; a masturbatory corporation run by feeble-minded, out of touch senior citizens and lunatics.
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