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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
scale
minimum wage for actors, approximately 12 times the minimum wage for regular people having skills which society needs.
more at actor.
Scientology
1. a traveling sideshow based out of LA; Quakerism with a computer chip in its ass and a salesman on its breath; secular humanism wed to spiritism by a Catholic priest.
2. the religion of the irreligious; the faith of moviestars.
3. science and the suffix -ology mean approximately the same thing; proof that doubling a word can add to its impact; e.g., “dumb-dumb.”
Scotland
the land of saints—birthplace of Scotch.
seasonal
a handy word for the hotel industry, which is relieved of paying its employees' time and a half for working holidays; this sympathetic “seasonal industry” law was created as protection for employers who pull in about three hundred percent more profit than average during these “seasonal” periods.
Seattle
1. Seatown—neither a town nor on the sea.
2. Jet City—hereafter minus jets.
3. the Emerald City, take 2—somewhere between rain drenched poppy fields, androids, and electric sheep.
4. eight months of winter rain and unemployment dying to teach your sorry Midwestern ass that Seasonal Affective Disorder is all that stands between you and meeting Kurt Cobain in person.
security consultant
one who won’t pass the buck because he or she will refuse to accept it to begin with.
sedition
the perfect grace between the window sill and the concrete.
segregationist
one who has fathered a mixed-race child and is extremely interested in keeping the mother from meeting his wife.
self-help
1. a new language, exactly like American English, but excluding the Accusative Case.
2. the only potentially reliable form of help.
3. what most advice from friends will correctly amount to one turning to.
self-image
1. what your parents think about you.
2. what your friends say about you.
3. a portrait one paints with words like “character” and “soul,” to use as a replacement for the increasingly displeasing image presented each morning in one’s bathroom mirror.
self-respect
1. ambiguous feelings about one’s shortcomings.
2. the ability to make inexcusable behavior perfectly coincide with black-out caliber drinking.
3. narcissism.
compare with egoism.
Semite
a Jew or Arab or any of their ancestral peoples; one term encompasses both as the rest of world can’t tell, nor has any interest in learning to tell, the difference.
Senator
a member of the highest legislative body, the Senate; famous Senators include Bill Frist, Hillary Rodham Clinton, and Incitatus.
sentimental
linguistics term meaning ornamental.
serial killer
1. one who feels liberated by his first kill, with a slight tendency toward anal retention; a serialist.
2. a graduate of any creative writing program; a writer.
3. a near graduate of any music program; a musicologist.
4. a combination psychopath/crossword puzzle enthusiast, extroverted and self-actualized; some particularly successful examples are quoted on the back of Anthony Robbins’s latest books.
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