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Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
1. a machine which takes orders and if treated correctly returns files without errors.
2. a person who takes orders and if treated correctly returns meals without loogies.
Seven Deadly Sins, the
Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Wrath, Greed, and Sloth—found in Appendix B of the Not-So-Good Book alongside the seven potentially life-threatening character defects: Self-Confidence, Admiration, Hunger, Affection, Pique, Compensation, and Leisure.
compare with the Seven Heavenly Virtues.
Seven Heavenly Virtues, the
a list of girl’s names—Faith, Hope, Charity, Fortitude, Justice, Temperance, and Prudence—to be hauled out when one is expecting and in need of a potent dose of public repentance.
compare with the Seven Deadly Sins.
an act which one never has to admit to unless it’s caught on video tape, or on plus-sized blue rayon.
what Viagra has turned droves of senior citizens into.
sexual intercourse
a term which has the same meaning as the vulgar fuck but none of the impact; e.g., “Why don’t you go have sexual intercourse with yourself in the posterior!?”
1. how broke men refer to women that have no savior complex.
2. how ugly women refer to men with a taste for pleasure of the senses.
the painful juncture of memory and sobriety.
to offer something with the expectation it will be obsequiously refused.
shark attack
1. a triumphant I-told-you-so for all those afraid of the water.
2. a backstage pass at a Vanilla Fudge concert.
3. an event entirely less likely than being killed by a bee sting or lightning strike, but more often discussed in the news media than anything but felonious or topless celebrities.
Shatner, William
an embarrassing proto-type of Christopher Walken reduced from Captain to Priceline whore.
1. a native of Colorado.
2. a connoisseur of lanolin.
1. caller ID.
2. Americana specified, ages fifteen to twenty five, Jack Daniel’s.
3. a bomb shelter with enough marijuana to last Snoop Dog, Cheech and Chong and that guy from the carpet commercial who says, “I guarantee it,” into the next millennium.
4. an intravenous ready hospital bed next to a six foot hole in the ground marked by a granite nametag alongside either a comfortably realistic life projection, or an utter lie.
1. a bruise, as from a punch to the face, or especially the eye; a “black eye,” “swollen temple,” or “broken jaw;” a scrap mark.
2. a swollen zit set in an obvious place or so big as to stand out in a land-mine of acne; a Darwinian pimple.
3. anyone who shines in a particular field: Duke Ellington, Emily Dickinson, the Zodiac Killer.
1. an aggressive competitor for unwanted affection.
2. an ominous threat to one’s long abandoned family status.
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