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Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
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stock market
a playground constructed for students of the MBA persuasion.
1. modern usage: to be addled by the sweet caress of hemp.
2. Biblical usage: to be addled by the sweet caress of highly compressed sediment.
1. a well paid torturess.
2. a girlfriend.
3. nothing in between.
a person not yet wise to the market value of cut street drugs.
1. one who is people oriented, or social.
2. a customer service employee.
3. a customer.
1. fast food french fries, unless specially ordered fresh.
2. what becomes of any fast food hamburger in the time it takes to cook up a new batch of fries.
3. what becomes of the mind of any writer who spends four straight years battling his nation’s republic with seethingly poignant literature; thusly, the subject matter to which said writer’s work must sadly turn.
a legal document granting law enforcement agents unfettered access to one’s colon.
1. n, one’s reflection.
2. a person who has been graduated from “wanting to believe” to “needing to believe.”
3. a dreamer.
sucker punch
1. the ringing in one’s head or aching in one’s stomach after a purportedly free lunch.
2. a promotion.
3. a goodbye from one’s in-laws on Thanksgiving, followed by a surprise Christmas return.
1. oh, where to begin.
2. the taking of one’s own life, considered a crime against God and man.
3. the ending of one’s own suffering, also considered a crime against God and man, presumably because of each’s love of pain and love of company, respectively.
4. the all-purpose one-size-fits-all fail-safe guaranteed-100% solution to any problem life has ever thrown.
5. a healthy alternative to socializing.
suicide note
the chance of a lifetime; the perfect final recourse for those compelled to have the last word.
1. distant heat generating substance fabled to be visible during the so-called, “daytime,” for the displeasure of those who are able to venture outside.
2. skin-cancer on a grid.
3. what you ought to be staring into instead of this screen, loser.
to bathe in the sun’s emissions and subsequently reap all the health benefits that immersing oneself in a soup of gamma particles, x-rays, and other chromosome splintering radiation brings.
from the Latin super-, above; to be above the norm; above average; 76%; C+; congratulations.
Latin for overseer.
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