 
- stock market
-
a playground constructed for students of the MBA persuasion.
- stoned
- 1.
modern usage: to be addled by the sweet caress of hemp.
- 2.
Biblical usage: to be addled by the sweet caress of highly compressed sediment.
- stripper
- 1.
a well paid torturess.
- 2.
a girlfriend.
- 3.
nothing in between.
- student
-
a person not yet wise to the market value of cut street drugs.
- stupid
- 1.
one who is people oriented, or social.
- 2.
a customer service employee.
- 3.
a customer.
- Styrofoam
- 1.
fast food french fries, unless specially ordered fresh.
- 2.
what becomes of any fast food hamburger in the time it takes to cook up a new batch of fries.
- 3.
what becomes of the mind of any writer who spends four straight years battling his nation’s republic with seethingly poignant literature; thusly, the subject matter to which said writer’s work must sadly turn.
- subpoena
-
a legal document granting law enforcement agents unfettered access to one’s colon.
- sucker
- 1.
n, one’s reflection.
- 2.
a person who has been graduated from “wanting to believe” to “needing to believe.”
- 3.
a dreamer.
- sucker punch
- 1.
the ringing in one’s head or aching in one’s stomach after a purportedly free lunch.
- 2.
a promotion.
- 3.
a goodbye from one’s in-laws on Thanksgiving, followed by a surprise Christmas return.
- suicide
- 1.
oh, where to begin.
- 2.
the taking of one’s own life, considered a crime against God and man.
- 3.
the ending of one’s own suffering, also considered a crime against God and man, presumably because of each’s love of pain and love of company, respectively.
- 4.
the all-purpose one-size-fits-all fail-safe guaranteed-100% solution to any problem life has ever thrown.
- 5.
a healthy alternative to socializing.
- suicide note
-
the chance of a lifetime; the perfect final recourse for those compelled to have the last word.
- sun
- 1.
distant heat generating substance fabled to be visible during the so-called, “daytime,” for the displeasure of those who are able to venture outside.
- 2.
skin-cancer on a grid.
- 3.
what you ought to be staring into instead of this screen, loser.
- sunbathe
-
to bathe in the sun’s emissions and subsequently reap all the health benefits that immersing oneself in a soup of gamma particles, x-rays, and other chromosome splintering radiation brings.
- superb
-
from the Latin super-, above; to be above the norm; above average; 76%; C+; congratulations.
- supervisor
-
Latin for overseer.
|
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Unabridged
Devil’s Dictionary
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