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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
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Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
tail
1. regarding animals and general nouns, the hindmost tapering part.
2. regarding women, the hindmost beveled and bifurcated part.
3. regarding the US Navy, the following nautical adage may be universally applied: any port in a storm.
Tao
a philosophy which encourages one to be like water and flow to the path of least resistance, the drain.
tautology
this whole thing.
tea
1. a hot beverage served by the British between meals, as an additional opportunity to express their distaste for one another.
2. a similar beverage served in China which is the only element of their national diet not containing endangered animals.
teach
1. to impart knowledge about something previously unknown.
2. to clear up a misunderstanding; e.g., “That’ll teach you.”
team player
1. a gangster; a gang member.
2. one able to hold another down while the team goes to work.
3. one who has no prospects for becoming a leader.
technology
human development of tools; the scientific movement forward revolving around laziness, for which the body of human society is willing to step on and mangle its own reproductive organ; the future.
teenager
a sort of diet human being—all the sex and murder, half the responsibility.
teething
1. a condition affecting babies whereupon they are compelled to have something in their mouths at all times.
2. a similar condition affecting freshman and sophomore sorority girls.
telecommute
1. to fall asleep on a bus or train and wake up at one’s dreaded stop-point.
2. what the word commute becomes to those fortunate enough to have reduced their workdays to making a few calls a day from home.
3. to feel as if one has traveled by way of a couple good hours of television or Internet surfing in the early evening; numbness; multi-media paralysis; video assisted assimilation slash brain death in a box.
telemarketing
what Americans generally understood “terrorism” to mean before the autumn of 2001.
teleology
the study of the lives of models and moviestars.
Teletubbies
an abortive attempt to create mascots for the IUD industry—the characters, each wearing a different style of device on their heads, were repurposed for children’s television, that is television for the children they failed to prevent.
television, American
the new required reading, worldwide.
temp-agency
1. a self-esteem vacuum; the business of offering employees a semi-flexible schedule in exchange for all of their rights and self-respect.
2. the opposite of Prozac, equivalent to a depression pill; see also bus-stop.
3. as of November, 1999, spoken in repetition, “temp-agency,” (or “temp-agencies”) is legally considered an indication of intent to commit suicide, and the passer-by shall be held responsible by law to dial 9-1-1 in such instances.
more at cop.
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