 
- tail
- 1.
regarding animals and general nouns, the hindmost tapering part.
- 2.
regarding women, the hindmost beveled and bifurcated part.
- 3.
regarding the US Navy, the following nautical adage may be universally applied: any port in a storm.
- Tao
-
a philosophy which encourages one to be like water and flow to the path of least resistance, the drain.
- tautology
-
this whole thing.
- tea
- 1.
a hot beverage served by the British between meals, as an additional opportunity to express their distaste for one another.
- 2.
a similar beverage served in China which is the only element of their national diet not containing endangered animals.
- teach
- 1.
to impart knowledge about something previously unknown.
- 2.
to clear up a misunderstanding; e.g., “That’ll teach you.”
- team player
- 1.
a gangster; a gang member.
- 2.
one able to hold another down while the team goes to work.
- 3.
one who has no prospects for becoming a leader.
- technology
-
human development of tools; the scientific movement forward revolving around laziness, for which the body of human society is willing to step on and mangle its own reproductive organ; the future.
- teenager
-
a sort of diet human being—all the sex and murder, half the responsibility.
- teething
- 1.
a condition affecting babies whereupon they are compelled to have something in their mouths at all times.
- 2.
a similar condition affecting freshman and sophomore sorority girls.
- telecommute
- 1.
to fall asleep on a bus or train and wake up at one’s dreaded stop-point.
- 2.
what the word commute becomes to those fortunate enough to have reduced their workdays to making a few calls a day from home.
- 3.
to feel as if one has traveled by way of a couple good hours of television or Internet surfing in the early evening; numbness; multi-media paralysis; video assisted assimilation slash brain death in a box.
- telemarketing
-
what Americans generally understood “terrorism” to mean before the autumn of 2001.
- teleology
-
the study of the lives of models and moviestars.
- Teletubbies
-
an abortive attempt to create mascots for the IUD industry—the characters, each wearing a different style of device on their heads, were repurposed for children’s television, that is television for the children they failed to prevent.
- television, American
-
the new required reading, worldwide.
- temp-agency
- 1.
a self-esteem vacuum; the business of offering employees a semi-flexible schedule in exchange for all of their rights and self-respect.
- 2.
the opposite of Prozac, equivalent to a depression pill; see also bus-stop.
- 3.
as of November, 1999, spoken in repetition, “temp-agency,” (or “temp-agencies”) is legally considered an indication of intent to commit suicide, and the passer-by shall be held responsible by law to dial 9-1-1 in such instances.
more at cop.
|
Own the original, The
Unabridged
Devil’s Dictionary
Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
