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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
Ten Commandments
a stone artifact of divine rules which over the years has needed so many amendments that it’s been replaced by an erasable plastic bond, with the current heading: Several Modest Suggestions.
tenacious
1. a telemarketer whose commissions have fallen off.
2. a telemarketer with a drug habit.
3. a telemarketer with a mortgage.
terrorism
1. a fine kind of “how-do-you-do.”
2. putting a carton of milk back in the refrigerator even though you know it’s been on the counter for the better part of 7 hours.
3. whatever we’re crying to the UN about on a given week.
4. pushing the time on your spouse’s alarm clock ahead a couple hours.
5. elbowing your spouse in the nose while pretending to be asleep.
6. looking or acting ethnic in an American diner.
7. dozens of packages at America’s doorstep, marked “c/o CIA/FBI/NSA/etc,” topped with a card, reading: “How about a taste of your own medicine?”
terrorist
1. a mass-murderer, arsonist, bomber, etc who has the convenience of a family or community to hide behind.
2. a family or community member that stands between a bullet and a mass-murderer, arsonist, bomber, etc.
testicles
an illegal substance in the marble neighborhoods of the District of Columbia.
testosterone
a thin chemical often compared with helium in that it’s the hot air which initiates the inflation and flight of the male ego.
tetragrammaton
the four letters spelling the unspeakable name of God, pronounced Yahweh or Jehovah depending upon how one prefers never to utter it.
Tetris
a type of Russian venereal disease.
Texas
the only foreign country the US has any real business bombing.
thanatology
the science of accelerating appointments with the Reaper via the whittling away of one’s given hours in endless revisions and preparations for said immutable tryst.
Thanksgiving
a holiday predicated on the prudence of thanking a rather unforgiving creator on a regular schedule regardless of there being anything remotely likely to be thankful for.
therapeutically correct
1. bound by self-help shackles.
2. a bizarre language of selfishness—refusing to make reference of anything in the second or third person.
3. moping around with the weight of one’s therapist’s problems as well as one’s own.
4. beginning and ending every sentence with one’s irrational feelings on a matter.
think
1. to read too much into a matter; to over-analyze.
2. procrastinate.
thought police
an expression meaning a poor initial idea; e.g., “She saw her neighbor being attacked and she thought police, but thought better of it and had a good chuckle.”
threat
a formal invitation to be legally murdered; e.g., “When he threatened me, officer, I was so scared he was gonna do something awful I had to kill him in self-defense.”
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