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Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
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acronym, User Acceptance Testing; the phase of software testing wherein a final version of a product is run by users to see how it stands up to normal usage—this type of testing is notoriously unreliable as unfortunately there is no way to force-feed shaved bunny rabbits your toxic HTML and Java applets to determine LD50.
differently pretty; beauty challenged.
1. an inflammation and festering rupture of the stomach, formed by simple malnutrition—specifically as a result of deficiency in the vitamins T, H, and C.
2. the only friend that will be hanging around in the crucial 2–3 weeks after your mate leaves you.
the logical “OR” operator, where the proposition is this OR that meaning only one of the two can be; the state of New Hampshire having one of the more succinct examples, “Live free or die,” while, rather unfortunately, doing neither.
umbilical cord
the noose from which we all hang and by which strive to become executioners in turn.
1. one’s symbolic exclamation to the Universe, upon either accepting or quitting a job.
2. a lexicographer’s simplified relationship to more of you than want to know, regardless of what your mother will admit.
1. describing the type of love one receives in discretion.
2. describing anything which is given freely, with the word “if” strongly suggested thereafter in tone, expression, and consequences.
American usage, while once those who owned but a single television set, now anyone who owns only one summer house.
1. the state in which wine vendors and florists can find themselves off season.
2. one in whom a learning disability prevents the understanding of supply and demand.
polite; socialized.
1. dangerous; criminally insane; having no desire to get up at seven a.m. only to go home suicidally bored around dark, five days a week for fifty years straight; a dangerous cancer on society’s ass; a musician.
2. describing one whose credit and reputation at the taco truck within walking distance is of utmost importance for survival.
3. anyone who describes himself as “self-employed.”
unemployment benefits
1. whereby job hunting is replaced with a couple of hours on hold to report a couple of ghost applications, per week, turned in to places one knows for a fact are not hiring.
2. monies which have been set aside from years of hardship in unsatisfactory conditions, in order to one day experience being turned down at retrieving those monies during hardship in unsatisfactory conditions.
3. a small percentage of the blood which has been taken out of one’s body over time, to be replaced upon approval minus another ten percent; this second round of blood letting is good-humoredly referred to as “income tax.”
a common typo of unfaltering.
a self-administered combination depilatory and anti-lice cream.
Universidad de Nada Mas, Universidad Nada Mucho, et cetera.
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