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Devil’s 
Dictionary X Daily Definitions XML
Devil’s Dictionary X™
The Devil’s Dictionary X now has 1,268 terms defined!
Original Devil’s Dictionary Own the original, The Devil’s Dictionary (thrift edition)
Newest definitions — The Devil’s Dictionary X™-----------------------
vacation
1. reading the obituary page of one’s home town newspaper.
2. drinking without the restraint of an alarm clock or the safety net of a significant other.
vacuum
1. the container holding popular American culture.
2. the container holding the cerebrum of Jessica Simpson.
vagina
what the metaphorical expression, “To dig a hole one cannot get out of,” refers to.
vagina dentata
the erroneous, ridiculous, and outrageous idea imagined out of thin air by Sigmund Freud that the vagina might have some sort of emasculating or otherwise castrative properties.
vagitarian
one who subsists primarily upon Crassostrea virginica or Crassostrea gigas barbatus.
vain
1. describing a person possessing vanity; one who steals rather than begs.
2. pointless, futile; usually used “in vain;” see also, begging, stealing, non-alcoholic beer, decaffeinated coffee; love, romance, romantic; hope, happiness, marriage, stripper, government, US Constitution, beauty, belief, blame, cable, capitalism, cell phone, Christmas, civility, cleverness, comfort, Communism, conversation, kangaroo, karma, killing, war, wish, woman, man, hatred, question, philosophy, responsibility, salary, satisfaction, sex, shame, share, or most any other word in this or most any other dictionary.
Valentine’s Day
1. a Springtime kick in the teeth, and a box of chocolates.
2. a pointless erection two weeks in the making, and a box of chocolates.
3. the hand hovering to jerk the needle from the vinyl in the great romance “musical chairs.”
vampire
1. what becomes of the Goth who doesn’t look good in a swimsuit and hasn’t yet achieved satisfactory retribution regarding his or her parents.
2. a sadomasochist with one foot out of the closet door.
vehicular homicide
to lower an Acura while adding undersized wheels and a lighted license plate frame.
Venn
a mathematical way of defining a person using the most realistic method, by the circles in which one moves.
veterinarian
a pussy doctor.
Viagra
1. the beginning of the end of human existence; a way to trick evolution into destroying through genetics what warmongers could not destroy through the splitting of the atom; the trump card of phallocentricity; alt spellings, viarga, vi@gr@, v-i-a-g-r-a, and so on.
2. a potion meant to save humanity from an apparently imminent extinction brought about by the flagging frequency of sexual intercourse between senior citizens.
Vichy
a German breed of lapdog known for its ability to roll over.
victim
1. a newly minted hero.
2. archaic usage, one who had been beaten, swindled; modern usage, one who has parents, went to public school, fell in love, or has been shopping.
video store
a noble business enterprise built on a long-established bedrock of American laziness, forgetfulness, and consequential tardiness in return.
see also, late fee.
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