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Your wife is cheating on you.
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There is a poisonous insect in your near future.
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Please look up feminine hygiene in the dictionary.
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Ignore the advice of your physician, skip the chemotherapy.
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Get an H.I.V. test as soon as possible.
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If everything tastes like chicken, you should order cautiously.
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Your planned vacation will result in a near fatality.
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You are an insensitive bastard who will die young, used up, and alone.
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You are as happy at this moment as you ever will be.
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Satan considers you a good friend.
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Your ex will clear the Brady Bill background check.
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Male pattern baldness can be induced just by worrying about it.
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The waitress you like spits in your chow mein.
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The internet causes cancer.
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The stars say there is a Federally run nursing home in your future.
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Now is the time to make a confession.
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Your girlfriend is keeping a secret!
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You are suave, witty, well-liked by your peers, and gullible.
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You will suffer a debilitating aneurism in your thirties.
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You hate yourself and it is obvious to everyone you meet.
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You will someday consider death a welcome change.
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If it wasn't for crabs, you'd never have any pets.
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Take your life, you dizzy bitch.
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You couldn't be more wrong about life.
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Don't call the doctor. It will get better on its own.
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You spell better than you make love.
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You have a date with destiny.
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Warning: this cookie was poisoned.
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You were a switched baby.
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You forgot to lock the door this morning.
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Perhaps an investigation of your sexual orientation is in order.
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You've been having cybersex with a 300 lb child molester.
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Help, I'm being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery.
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